"When I retired," said my friend John, "We bought an RV and followed the trail of Lewis and Clark -- all the way from Washington DC to the Pacific. It was the dream trip of a lifetime. Then we bought a boat and sailed around the Caribbean." Drool. I wanted to do that sort of stuff too.
Then reality struck. "Your Social Security allotment will be $249 a month," the nice lady at the end of the Social Security 800-number phone line informed me. Hey, that's okay. I still got my pension.
"Your pension plan does not go into effect for three more years," the nice lady at the end of the pension plan 800-number phone line informed me. "And if you take it out early you will lose two-thirds of it." Hey, that was okay. After a week of being retired I was getting totally bored anyway. Sitting around the house all day doing nothing after being an active professional for so long sucked eggs.
Then the temp job came to an end. Great. I could hardly wait to see where they would send me next! I called the temp agency's 800-number. "I'm here. I'm back. What else do you have for me?"
"Nothing." Nothing? "We have nothing." Oh.
I waited a few more days. "Do you have ANY kind of job," I asked, swallowing my pride. "Anything?"
"We have nothing."
By this time a house full of teenagers -- who naturally assumed that, since I wasn't working, I would have more time to cook, do dishes and drive them places -- was starting to drive me nuts! I checked Craig's List. I sent out resumes. I got a couple of interviews. I waited to hear back. Nothing.
Now I started to panic. "With Social Security and any kind of job we'll be just fine," I told the kids. "Just fine." The bakery down the street had an opening for a dishwasher. I applied. Nothing. Now I was seriously worried. Seriously worried. My mood changed. I paced. The kids gave me hugs and told me not to worry, something would show up. Nathan even promised to hook me up with his buddies at the flea market and Jordan told me that he would search for an after-school job -- but even the thought of him toiling away on behalf of our family made me want to cry.
The foster child even offered to give up her cell phone and my daughter offered to buy us all pizza with her after-school job money too (she was realistic enough not to offer to give up her cell phone however.)
Will we all be eating canned cat food soon?
Well, at least I know that I'm not alone. I Googled "Unemployment" and found out that, in my county alone, there are 40,100 other people who are out of a job as well.