When did it happen? When did common sense die? In all fairness, I have been on the business end of the statement, "You have book smarts but no common sense, " more times than I want to remember. So when I can see that common sense is dead, it died a horrible, gruesome and spectacular death. Today, I offer you an autopsy.
We spend an inordinate amount of time, money and pain on the "makeover. " Why? We are told that we do it to improve ourselves. Is that really true? Aren 't many of the things that are supposed to "improve " lives things that just distract us from the real issue?
It has been the way of the world that teenage years are the trial ground for personality testing, ethics testing and personal style development. The moral of The Lord of the Flies is unabated children are a reflection of raw human nature. Parenting is about making sure that they reach maturity and cultivating critical thinking skills. In theory, we teach our children to be the most complete "them " they can be without encroaching upon boundaries of others. I have heard that children learn what they live. If this is true, then what parents are apparently teaching their children appears to be that there are 12 acceptable people in the world and they need to pick one of them and let the pretending begin.
Human beings are gregarious. We prove this in study after study. We need the esteem of our peers. Some of us appear to want the adoration of the world and are quite disheartened if there are any dissenters. The need for acceptance, esteem, must be balanced by the need for self-acceptance, self-esteem. Our daughters see how the world seems to fawn over Pamela Anderson 's breasts and, despite the public nature of her private life, our daughters fail to see that these same breasts did not resolve the most intimate relationship issues that she faced.
By allowing the issue to be about a girl 's breast not being the "right " size, we side step the primary issue which is they are what they are. A girl is not her breasts nor do they define any aspect of her other than themselves as breasts. How can adults who cannot do this for themselves find it within them to do so for their daughters? They achieve this feat by behaving like parents.
These are the same minds that too often confuse the dependence of infancy for love. The girl, who fails to find her own self-esteem and is dissatisfied with her perception of the esteem of others, seeks to create a person who will fill this need. The result is too often teen pregnancy. How quickly does the girl who thought she would have a baby so someone would love exclusively her discover the egocentric world her in which her baby lives? The teenage mind no matter how bright, no matter how precocious is still an immature mind subjugated by the ebb and flow of estrogen and testosterone.
Sometimes the truth hurts. Life is always hard. "Everybody " is never going to like you. And, Elvis really is dead. What corrupts the innocence of childhood is the fact of life. We are all compelled to move forward from the fantasy to the reality. When the teenage mind recognizes this shift occurring and attempts to rationalize it, you end up with things like wearing pale white makeup, jet black hair and the monotone recital of death dirges formatted as haikus. The guidance of an adult mind, the parental mind, can make that journey from the fantasy of childhood to wonder of reality. The world that we live in has more magic than any concocted or naÃ¯ve version of it could ever have.
In short, (I know, it 's a little late for that) consider the lily. Then, let 's consider our daughters and let them know the true beauty and wonder that they are ... just as they are.
Dawn Worthy firstname.lastname@example.org owns Indianapolis based company Fresh From the Farm http://www.auntannsgardensoap.com with her son, Elias Worthy, at 6 years old, the youngest member of the regional MENSA. They use thought provoking articles and Aunt Ann 's Garden Soap, a line of natural vegan botanical soaps to share a little green living with others.