In a surprise and apparently sudden decision Tuesday evening, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced the hiring of a new Chief of Staff for her DC office. The choice of someone without any experience on Capitol Hill surprised many observers, leading to speculation as to what changes Pelosi may have in store for the new year.
"Al Groh will be able to hit the ground running," Pelosi said in a statement. "As head coach of the University of Virginia Cavaliers football team Groh has displayed exactly the decision making skills we need to turn this country around and head it in the right direction."
Apparently basing her decision in large part on Groh's performance in Tuesday evening's Gator Bowl, Pelosi went on to detail what she found inspiring about Groh's work.
Pelosi may have made her decision prior to the game's last few minutes. At least, her statement suggests that she was leaning in that direction. "We all admired Groh's wise hesitation earlier in the game," Pelosi said, "particularly the time when he challenged a questionable call only after another play had been run, thus preventing an official review. By so acting, Groh displayed for the stupid ass public a desire to win, without risking any actual progress toward victory. This is precisely the sort of performance that is needed on Capitol Hill at a time when we are facing the least popular and most impeachable president and vice president in history, and I'm too damn scared and corrupt to act. Plus there's the whole occupation of Iraq nonsense, and sooner or later people are going to figure out that we could just cut off the money by not passing any more bills to fund it. Distracting people from that simple fact will take the well-honed skills of a proven loser like Al Groh, and I am thrilled to welcome him to my office."
Contacted late Tuesday evening, Groh said, "I don't really mind the pay cut that much, because there's the lobbying option afterward. Besides, I was going to be gone soon one way or the other. I never knew I was a Democrat, to tell you the truth, but I felt so sorry for Nancy when she told me how people are treating her that I couldn't really say no. At least I don't think I'll change my mind, but I'm really tired."