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Tales From Bizarro World or the Sound of One Hand Clapping

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Message David Cox

We are unquestionably living in Bizarro world, the world is literally turned upside down-- grass eat cows, fish catch fisherman, you get fired for doing a good job as you are supposed to do it. You get promoted by being corrupt and using your office as an attack wing of the party. In the financial arena you make loans to people you know won’t be able to pay it back then you bundle it inside good loans and pass it off to the next sucker. That is called sound financial management. See the waters of Bizarro world aren’t really that hard to navigate

OK, now you try one! In Bizarro world if you are the general, who would you attack? See it’s easy, that’s right you attack the innocent but don’t get a big head about it your still a novice. I’ll ask you another one an even harder, why would you attack the innocent? Because you support the culture of life of course. Did you get that one? Try again, what reason would you give for attacking the innocent? You know why I’m smiling don’t you? It’s a trick question the answer is anything! Anything you want! Except for? (Extra credit question)

The truth, so let your imagination run wild remember this is Bizarro world so run wild. Fun is serious, hard work is goofing off, diplomacy is shoe shopping and empathy is playing air guitar! Getting the hang of this are you? In the triage system hospitals treat the most seriously injured first in the prison system you let those who have served the most time out on parole regardless of their threat to society. You have a twenty year old who was arrested for growing pot in his basement who has served one year and then you have a thirty year old that killed three people in a bar fight just because they pissed him off who has served five years.

So, who do you release I know it sounds difficult, I hate word problems too but think! Its Bizarro world remember the rule, you help the most when you don’t help at all! You let the murderer out of course because? That’s right your sharp!

Why? Because you want to be fair about it to the murderer! You export jobs overseas because? You want to improve the economy! You overthrow a sovereign government because? You want to spread democracy! When those who you’ve spread democracy to start shooting back at you it’s because they hate our freedom. And why would they hate our freedom? They are free too aren’t they! Free to live in the ruins of their bombed out hovels living with no electricity no fuel and little water? Because they’re terrorists of course!

The Attorney General is in seclusion boning up on what he will say when he testifies before Congress why? Because he wants to tell the truth of course! The President is concerned about top-level staffers being subpoenaed and is only willing to let them testify if they are not put under oath, why? Come on now, and you’ve been doing so good! Give up? Because he’s worried it will impair his ability to get good advice from them! Well that’s Bizarro world for you!

The media pundits scornfully shake their heads; “We should with hold judgment until we here Gonzalez’s side of the story?” Except that it was Gonzalez’s side of the story, which ignited the firestorm in the first place! You see in Bizarro world the Nuremberg trials would have been called the Nazi side of the story hearings. Bizarro world is just like a many faceted diamond, except it’s cheap glass instead of a rare mineral. It’s not covered with facets but with convolutions, it carries as much truth as can be worn on one finger and its subliminal message is one extended index finger alone. The President the King of Bizarro world warns without more Iraqi war funding Iraqi insurgents would be emboldened to violence. See why he’s the King? He understands Bizzaro world! Iran takes hostages and is condemned by the Bizarro world media for showing the hostages on television being fed and well taken care of, why it’s a violation of their Geneva Convention rights! The US takes hostages and creates categories to exclude them from Geneva Convention rights and claims it is irresponsible journalism to show them brutalized and tortured. You see in Bizzaro world the media are the criminals

Don Imus, mumbling clown Prince of Bizarro world and idol of tens of tens makes racist and sexist statements about a basketball team and is pilloried in the press. The King of Bizarro world kills 600 thousand Iraqi’s assassinates it’s sovereign leader destroys its infrastructure and the question is, “Should US troops remain in Iraq?” Bizarro world indeed! But dumb ass Don Imus is a textbook case for Bizarro world 101. All racists and sexists are steeped in stupidity but does being extremely stupid automatically qualify you as a racist. Imus is harmless like the guy at the Christmas party and shows his ass. But this is Bizarro world so off with his head.


The President, King of Bizarro world prosecutes wars in two countries (that we know of) against peoples of different races from the king, against people of a different religions than the king. Against peoples who’s only crime is wanting sovereignty different from that of the king. You see in Bizarro world it’s all right to kill them all as long as you don’t call them names! Except maybe Bizarre!

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I was born and raised in Chicago in a liberal Democratic home my Grandfather was a labor union organizer my Father a Democratic district committeeman my Mother was an election judge. My earliest memories were of passing out Kennedy yard signs from (more...)
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