Dear Canada,
I need a place to stay. Things are not so good here south of your border. We are stuck in a quagmire and I don’t mean the War on Iraq. The quagmire I am referring to is the United States government. No matter whom we elect, we the people cannot win.
To give you an example, we recently voted in the Not Them Party to be the majority party in Congress. We did so because we were demanding a change in direction from the Them Party—the party in power. Needless to say, we are now tired of asking: “are we there yet.” If today’s War On Iraq does not answer this question, consider that the Not Them Party dominated House of Representatives recently passed a bill that includes a significant reduction in the number of federal meat inspections. Even a blind man can see where the money saved from reducing the number of federal inspections is going. And even a deaf person can hear who is celebrating the passage of this bill.
You see, we the people cannot win. But if you are still not convinced, please consider how our recent election has changed the course of the War on Iraq. It hasn’t. Our course has not changed one single millimeter. Of course the people we elected tell us that it is not their fault. The members of the Not Them Party tell us that their majority is too small—they need more of their people to be elected. There is a veneer of truth to their claim. In the Senate, for example, they need 60 votes to force their way through the blockade set up by the Them Party. But the rough truth underneath this veneer tells us that the Not Them Party has enough votes to stop funding the War.
Of course, in order to console me, you will tell me that things will change. REALLY? Have you seen who is running for President? The Them Party candidates are promising to give us a more efficient authoritarianism than what is currently being provided by the Bush administration. For example, one candidate, while defending a draconian approach to security, boldly said that without the right to live, our other rights do not matter. This is not what democracy sounds like.
And what do we see from the Not Them Party? We see a choice having already been made by party leaders and their choice is asking us to judge her by the content of her image. As for the other candidates, they are playing the role that Howard Dean played in 2004 in that they are only there to garner new voters for the Party. This is not what democracy looks like.
We Americans should admit that we too are partially to blame for this quagmire. See, we suffer from Bipolar Election Disorder. We will only vote for one of two candidates for any office. We will either vote for candidates from the Them Party or we will vote for the Not Them Party candidates. As a result, all a candidate from either party has to do is to prove that he or she is not the other candidate. This shows that we Americans are not as picky when it comes to choosing leaders as we are when choosing a place to eat.
See Canada, not only are things bad now, it looks like nothing will change anytime soon. Please believe me when I say that my request has nothing to do with your dollar becoming #1. I really do need a place to stay. In return, I promise to work until I die—as an American middle class baby-boomer, I have recently been reprogrammed to believe that there is no such a thing as retirement. Of course, I will need a job up there to pull this off. In addition, if you do allow me to stay, I would really prefer the Vancouver area. My guess is that of all the places in Canada, the Vancouver area has the best climate—I have been spoiled by global warming. In addition, I heard that the scenery there is great. I will become available as of May, 2009. Please respond ASAP.
Sincerely,
Curt Day
