You may find this hard to believe. Youve probably heard that the President behaves strangely because hes Barbara Bushs son. But consider this: Sci-Fi movies teach us five ways to identify aliens. Bush tests positive for all five.
The first rule for alien detection is to recognize that they practice mind control. Extraterrestrials hypnotize humans into believing things that are not true. George Bush claims to be a strong leader, who has kept America safe. He states that he is strengthening the economy and providing a better future for all Americans. He even says he is an environmentalist. Are these claims true? Not even close.
Lurking in the shadows behind the President is the White House propaganda machine, under the direction of the unearthly Karl Rove. Around the clock they turn their hypnotic rays on the American public. Each day they transmit a different Rovian theme: Hillary is bad. Weve killed Al Qaedas number three leader. Iraqis love us. Ignorance is strength. War is peace.
The third rule is that aliens dont have the same values that we do. On Bush World, or wherever they came from, the President and his cronies only learned one rule: eat before you get eaten. Thats why they sneer at us for trying to help our fellow Americans, treating others folks as we would want to be treated ourselves. Their motto is, Whats in it for me? Thats why they hate us they see our desire to help one another as a weakness.
Its clear that the President doesnt have the same values as the rest of us because he ignores our Constitution. He bugs our phones, spies on our religious gatherings, and holds our citizens in judicial limbo. He unapologetically does whatever he feels like doing. He calls himself our president but he acts like our emperor. Of course, thats the way they run things back on his home planet.
Have you ever wondered why the President doesnt make real public appearances, but only speaks in carefully orchestrated settings where the audience is kept far away from him? Thats because hes wearing makeup to hide his scaly skin and camouflage his fangs. Remember the candidate debate with John Kerry during the 2004 elections? TV cameras caught Bush with a mysterious lump on his back. What do you think that was? Youre right, a tail.
Of course, the fifth and final rule for detecting aliens is noticing that that they have no long term plans they dont plan to retire here. Theyre heading back to Bush World as soon as they complete their assignment.
So what is the Bush Administration after? Think about it, what do all alien invaders in Sci-Fi movies want? They want our wealth, our women, and our workers. They want our natural resources because theyve run out on Bush World. They want our women for god-only-knows-what-kind-of debauchery. Only their ideal woman doesnt think; thats why they hate Hilary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi, and hold up Paris Hilton and Britney Spears as role models. And, they want cheap labor to work around the clock in their alien factories, to supply Wal-Mart with cheap goods. (BTW: The owners of Wal-Mart are also aliens.)
Now that Ive scared you out of your wits, you ask what are we going to do? How can we rid America of this alien scourge?
Remember that aliens are vulnerable because theyre not used to our environment. They choke on clean air and water, gag on healthy food free from pesticides and additives. Their greatest vulnerability is taking themselves seriously. It drives them crazy to be made fun of. To be reminded that theyre not, in fact, real Americans.
But, of course, no real American would do the things they do. Just keep reminding yourself, George Bush and his cronies arent patriots, theyre aliens.