"Jane! What are you thinking!" said my friend Mike. "Are you REALLY going to put your Dalai Lama tickets up for sale on e-bay? If you do that, you'll probably get reborn as a COCKROACH!"
Go away, Mike. I've had a bad day, a bad week, a bad month. Being reborn as a cockroach will probably just be a relief. And besides, aren't cockroaches supposed to be able to survive a nuclear war?
"Are you aware that George W. Bush is about to start manufacturing 20,000 nuclear bunker busters?" asked Mike. "Plus he's authorizing the production of even more full-sized nuclear warheads?"
Yes, I know that Bush is seriously considering getting nuclear implants in his flight suit. And, yes, I know that if Bush has his way the only species that is going to be safe on this planet in the near future is gonna be cockroaches. And if Bush uses nuclear bunker busters on Iran, their fallout is going to be giving Russians and Europeans mutant babies for the next 10,000 years. And how will the fallout effect us here in America? Lung cancer? Radiation sickness? Losing our hair? So much for the marketing future of Pantene Pro-V and L'Oréal. Everyone will be out buying Rogaine!
As long as George W. Bush remains in the White House and not in jail, the entire world is in danger of getting an instant genetic make-over -- to say nothing of getting a front-row seat for World War III. Forget that!
If Bush isn't going to play by the rules, then neither am I. I'm scalping those tickets. Roach Motel, here I come!
PS: The Dalai Lama will be giving a two-day seminar in San Francisco on April 27 and April 28, 2007. Spending two whole days with the Dalai Lama? One of the most highly-evolved people on the planet? This is unheard of! What a unique and wonderful opportunity for Buddhists and non-Buddhists alike.
The Dalai Lama is a true world leader -- not like the dog-poop-for-brains Count Dracula wannabe we have in the White House right now.
I have two extra tickets which I am scalping at an outrageously high price (so I can save up to go embed in Iraq and benefit sentient beings that way). If anyone is interested, let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org.
"Jane, you really shouldn't be doing this," warned my friend.
I know that. But this month has already been the Bad Karma Month from Hell. How can it possibly get any worse? "You could get reborn as an Iraqi in Fallugah. Or as a villager in Darfur. Or as a Bush twin in Crawford!" Eeuuww....
Stillwater is a freelance writer who hates injustice and corruption in any form but especially injustice and corruption paid for by American taxpayers. She has recently published a book entitled, "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket: Helpful Tips For Touring (more...