"Yes, Lord? Here I am Lord!"
"Peter, Peter, Peter!"
"Yes, Lord? Here I am Lord."
"Oh, there are you," He said looking about my room, "Still in bed. Are you ill?
"No, I was sleeping and what do You mean, 'still sleeping,' its only 2:00 AM!"
"Ah, well, sorry I didn't mean to wake you."
"That's okay, I had to get up anyway, Someone was calling, Peter, Peter, Peter."
"AHHHA, FUNNNNY. Anyway can we talk?"
"May I ask a question, Lord?"
"Yes, of course. What is it?"
"Umm, now please don't take offense, but you know I sleep very little, by Your edict, correct?"
"Yes, that is how I made all of your family-it's a gift, you see?"
"A gift? Err; I didn't realize You considered it as a 'gift'. Well, again no offense-."
"Couldn't You come calling in the day time?"
"I could, but then I'd be interrupting your prayers, your writing and your painting, and, worst of all, your thinking, and some other stuff I want you to be doing. Also, there are reasons why I gave you Earth life again, there's stuff I need you to do when you are awake. And in this way you get to be awake for a longer period of time than your contemporaries and to enjoy more of life than others and more of the things I gave you to amuse yourself, and me. If you die at age 90, you will have enjoyed the wakefulness of the average man of age 135."
"The average man of 135 years of age? I didn't know there were enough of them to have calculated an average."
"You won't need the few minutes sleep you miss by my visits, trust me on that. Now, Can we talk?"
"Uhh, sure. Fire away, Sir."
"I have been reading your blogstuff."
"Yes, do you approve."?
"Oh, most assuredly, I do, however, I have some new stuff for you to consider."
"Okay, yes, Sir!"
"You recall my Commandment, 'I SHALL NOT SUFFER FALSE GODS BEFORE ME!"
"I need to clarify that. I kind of like competition, there is so little in my realm, so I allow all sorts of gods, but I do not really want to countenance false religions among men. Therefore I want to make that known everywhere."
"Yes, Sir, which ones are false?"
"Umm, err, well, actually, all of them are false. I live in the hearts of a very few-the enlightened ones. I not concerned much over the sins of honest sinners, I applaud their imperfection, it gives me something with which to work-a challenge. Sin is different from evil. Jesus said that fornicators, common thieves and whores would enter my kingdom before hypocrites, and he was close to right. I do not care very much who is diddling whom, because those sins are easy to wash away, as are most sins of the flesh. (See John 4:4-42) Therefore, I can mitigate 99% of sins quickly, but what are not easily mitigated are evils, like torture, violent abuses of power, eradication of freedoms, the practice of avarice-greed, especially by the already rich, nor can I tolerate sadism, and some other truly evil things. There is no excuse for them. I gave men free will, which is the least the government can allow them.
"There are 36 prophets given men each generation, 35 of them and a good many more enlightened ones are your allies, Peter. Recall that I told Samuel when I selected David, 'that I choose differently than do men?"
Without waiting for my answer, He went on, "I so love irony. Therefore, I usually select as a prophet a person no human, especially not the hierarchies of any known organized religion, or government, or industry would choose. They'd select a sycophant, an avaristic one, a Pablumest-"
"I'm sorry, Sir, a what?"
"You know the baby cereal Pablum? I mean it in the representative, generic form, like bland, uninteresting and much too self-indulgently Eunuch-like, too virginal, too pious, too Boorrrrrrriinnnnng. Therefore, I picked David, a wonderfully flawed guy, a bit of over-the-top, type, and risky, edgy, none-too-perfect. Like, umm, like, err, well, like... YOU!"
He smiled and roared. I grimaced.
"Peter, all of my present 36 prophets, both known and unknown, are edgy, and you are so not the edgiest, so cool out."
"David was the apple of my eye, darkly flawed, a sinner of the first magnitude. You see, for some men, unless they have sinned and deeply, it is difficult for them to comprehend, to empathize with sinners. Recall please that some of my most interesting enlightened heroes were rather disenfranchised personalities. People like Moses, Abram, Jacob, Joshua, Imhotep, Giordano Bruno, Galileo, and the more modern ones, like Dickens, Dostoyevsky, Mark Twain, and lately I like the work of George Clooney, and others. Right now most of my enlightened are in showbiz and sports. There are very few in the media, Moyers, Keith Olbermann, and a few others, fewer still in industry, government, and even fewer in organized religions."
"Lord, why are we being led astray from our Constitution and Bill of Rights?"
"Because you elected evil, avaristic, sadistic, atavistic, men and women."
"No, not you personally, but many people, so I am punishing everyone for allowing the election of those people and for allowing them to decimate the Bill of Rights and Constitution which I practically dictated to the Founding Fathers."
"But how could You have allowed such creatures as those now destroying our nation, to even be born?"
"Some of their ancestors were fascists, and men punished the war criminals, but they allowed too many others to go free to corrupt the young. Besides, I created the concept of Homo sapiens, and I created Satan, but Satan created some of your leaders. Do you know about, 'those who live, but do not-The undead?"
He laughed, "No, not quite. Men whose souls have departed their bodies because of their evil, and have been sent to Hell while their bodies still live on Earth. Right now America and some Mid-eastern countries are being ruled by minions of Hell and those pretending to be my emissaries are some of my worst enemies."
"Indeed. Well, I have to go, there are some play-off games today."
"You watch football on TV?"
"No. Of course not. I am going to the game this afternoon."
"No, not football, baseball."
"Baseball? Of what game then, are we speaking?"
"My team against the 2007 World Champions (to be)."
"Yeah, Ruth, Cobb, DiMaggio, Tris Speaker, Ted Williams, Lefty Grove, Walter Johnson, Jimmy Foxx, Al Simmons, Hack Wilson-the entire Hall of Fame. And so I made Copies of the present day players, the winners of the of the 2007 World Series-to-be, and then they'll play in a Universal, Intra-dimensional Series, which starts today."
"Wait, so You already KNOW WHO IS GOING TO WIN THE WORLD SERIES THIS FALL? What am I saying? Of course, you do!"
"Well, Peter, I gotta go. Give 'em Hell Petey-Babe, give 'em Hell. Bye for now."
"Hey, Lord? Could you perhaps, tell me if the BEARS will beat the New Orle'ans Saints this weekend and then who will win the Super Bowl, now, please? Please tell me while I still have time to call my bookie. Oh, and who is going to play Your guys? You said the 2007 World Series Champs, who will they be?"
Don't know if He didn't hear, or just didn't answer. So, don't write asking me upon which to bet, because I don't know who will win the Super Bowl, or the World Series either! Besides, you heard Him, I gotta get some sleep!