Imagine prospects for any Alaskan politician, especially a slick, ambitious customer, desperate for fame and fortune. Post-Palin, dream on. Ditto Texas by the time Rick Perry staggers home -- making everyone else mystified how this nincompoop got thrice elected governor, boasting an undefeated run to the top. Pity the next Lone Star schlemiel, tiptoeing through the double whammy of W. the despised and now Mr. Good Hair turned hair-brained.
Of course, millions of us cheer when one more know-nothing rightwing fraud from our most self-aggrandizing state gets shut out from the White House. Historic train wrecks, wherein a favored son intensely identified with his home state self-destructs, seriously taints his home ground. Outclassed from the get-go, Perry took to the road, lurched badly, then struck out -- as our longest serving governor disintegrated from Tea Party icon to a national misfit on par with the legendary, hapless Adm. Stockdale. That stumblebum (with far more credentials) was Ross Perot's "92 running mate, both skewered in one of SNL's best skits ever.
Perry confirmed quickly that no Heavenly spirits would impede his goon show, evoking the obvious query: Was he always this dumb, and did Texas voters endorse miss it -- or did prime time simply broadcast his buffoonery and reinforce the Peter Principle? Yes, leaving Dixie can dramatize the inside of a true hayseed. For the record, Perry's Blundering Brain-Freeze redefined the Texas-sized "oops" that ended the official "Worst Self-Inflicted Wound in Debate History." What else would sideline Herman Cain's despicable, multiple improprieties?
Ivins, Still on Target
So it takes no great leap to predict that Perry, added to W.'s dishonor, sets in stone Molly Ivins' prescient warning, "Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention." Is there no good news here? Perry's descent -- as swift and dramatic as the fall of the Alamo -- means our not having to "mess with Texas" for years.
To those viewing Palin as the ultimate dim bulb, or Bachmann the ultimate space alien, or Cain the ultimate serial liar, Perry outshone them all, blazing forth as the ultimate non-performer -- the guy who can't even finish his own triad of dreadful agencies dooming the country. Perry can't even complain, as did the Palin, about gotcha questions. Perry self-destructed, hook, line and . . . whatever #3 is.
This stunning crash is all the more delicious because Perry thundered in as an arrogant blowhard, a fearless hunter who shoots down coyotes and threatens Fed chiefs with ugliness. Oh, how mighty dunderheads fall. But to get whipped by the likes of Cain, Bachmann and Newt Gingrich -- that must be galling for a presumptuous, high-flying rooster. So when will enough Texas adults recall their wayward goober before he does greater damage, up there with what child abuse is doing to Penn State. The longer Perry stays unchained, and the nastier he growls at Romney (what other option is there, more TV clownishness?), the bozo who never lost a Texas election will quarantine his backward state.