I was taking vodka shots with friend Vlad the other day,
When he thundered out a shock and said I had to pay.
"What on earth is this?" I said. "You always get the tab.
You just received a sparkling hour of my fine gift of gab."
Vlad returned he'd paid enough, he'd make no more concession,
And thus began a classic bout of so-Russian aggression.
Which says it all about the Russkies: just no gratitude,
We take East Europe off their hands and they give attitude.
We overturn a crappy prez and lend Kiev esteem,
Making jealous Mr. Poot, who sends Crimea a team.
What the heck's his beef? we ask. That we would steal his base?
Far be it from us -- that's nuts -- that was ne'er the case.
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