Introduction. Tigers do not weep. They roar and then they poop. We had so many disgusting things happening in the Y2010 already that the stench is unbearable. As such here are some imaginative headlines:
1.The US Marines had recently invaded Venezuela. Reacting to the world's uproar Secretary Gates apologized, 'We thought it was Haiti. Now I am suggesting a mandatory course in Geography for the commanding officers.'
2. Breaking News-The US operation to rebuild the Haitian infrastructure has a code name Afghaiti.
3. Security. Blackwater (now under another name) Company will be hired to maintain security on Haiti. 'We have a great experience with colored people.'-said the company spokesperson.
4. President Obama pledged to coordinate the Haiti effort himself and .. went to Massachussets to campaign for the Dem. candidate.
5. President Obama appointed a special Haiti body:
-President Clinton- responsible for speeches.
-President GW Bush- responsible for golf courses.
-Hillary Clinton- responsible for White Water.
-Condi Rice- responsible for rice shortages.
-Monica Levinski- responsible for cocktails.
-Michelle Obama- responsible for Haiti going green.
-Joe Scarborough- responsible for bullshit.
-Conan O'Brien-in charge of perpetual stupidity.
-Joe Lieberman- responsible for protection against violent Islam.
6. Breaking News: Haitians went to pray on Sunday. Overwhelmingly it was only one prayer, 'God, save us from the US and IMF.'
(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).