It felt like the air finally came out of the balloon. The piñata burst. The heat wave subsided. The rains stopped.
When we heard the news today, the latest of the daily scandals and craziness of "Donny" Trump, this time, instead of the pressure building up again, and pushing us all to the brink of schizophrenia, this time we breathed a sigh of relief. An adult in our government finally stood up and did the right thing. And called Dad.
Thank you, Rod Rosenstein, Deputy Attorney General, for calling Dad, after Donny the Bully had a Party and trashed the House after Mom and Dad had only been gone the equivalent of a weekend since he was given responsibility of the House. Thank you Rod the nerd, whom Donny had beat up, for having the guts to call Dad, naming a special counsel to investigate the possible collusion of Donny, his buddies, and Russia. And thank you for naming Robert Mueller, a mench that everybody likes, to be that special counsel. I can breath again. I can relax. You just gave a valium to all the folks on MSNBC, Rachael Maddow just took a drink. Lawrence O'Donnell can stop smiling. Mika and Joe can sleep together again.
Every day for the last two weeks we have been watching this White House melt down, and it wasn't because of the 85 degree weather we've been having in May. The tension has been building greater than the plot of Scandal or the manipulated excitement on The Voice. Ever since Sally Yates testimony to the US House of Representatives Intelligence Committee, on May 8th - ONLY NINE DAYS AGO -- it's been one headline after another, one beer party after another. Last week was crazy. First it was the Comey Firing, then the Comey Fiasco on why he was fired, blaming Rod Rosenstein, the nerd himself, then Donny himself reversing himself on that -- after Rosenstein threatened to quit and call Mom. That was just Monday through Wednesday! Then he met with the Russians, in the Oval Office no less. Oooo".then to really give us all the finger, he had the gall to have a photo op with Henry Kissinger, as everyone was starting to compare his administration to Watergate. Donny must have gotten a real kick out of that one. We went into last weekend in a frenzy, hoping a few days of watching baseball would take our mind off the craziness of our President and government. And the House was not looking too good, either. The Party was getting out of hand. The coffee table was broken and garbage was strewn all over the place. Even some of his buddies Sean and Jared wanted to clean up a little, but he wouldn't think of it.
Then unbelievably, this week was worse! We found out that Donny, who could never keep a secret, bragging about his women even when it got him in trouble, just casually told the Russians -- in that Oval office meeting - top secret, classified information, as easily as if he was handing out pot brownies at the Party. We're all thinking, "impeachable moment number 3, at least" as Lawrence was hallucinating with joy and someone was passing out LSD in the Master Bedroom. Then the Comey memo came out - seemingly implicating Trump of intimidating Comey to drop the Flynn matter -- impeachable moment #4 -- Obstruction of Justice. Rachael's head literally spinning with joy on the air as she was proving the details of the Party at the House. Meanwhile, someone just drove the car through the garage door, they were so wasted. Our minds were exploding. It was just too much. The Republicans, the neighbors next door who knew Donny's parents, didn't say a word, wouldn't call the cops. There was absolutely nothing going on in Washington these past two weeks, the oxygen was not just sucked out of the entire town, but it turned everyone into helium balloons floating around aimlessly.
Everyone was literally about to burst. I think if today's FIRST bit of news about the special counsel didn't happen, we all would have disintegrated into little pieces tonight when the next scandal hit about 10pm that Donny and his team actually KNEW that Michael Flynn was being investigated by the FBI BEFORE Donny hired him as National Security Advisor. Impeachable offense #5.
Instead, Rosenstein the nerd just gave us all a martini. We're chilled. The government isn't falling apart - it's working. Democracy isn't at risk - it's in gear. Someone finally acted responsibly and called Dad, who had to cut short his weekend vacation. So now Donny won't turn the Presidency into a dictatorship, because, Dad's home. I just saw Donny throw the booze down the sink, flush the cocaine down the toilet, help the stripper out the bathroom window, and zip up his pants. All the kids he was beating up in the House are slowly crawling out from under the bed, and I just saw his bully buddies running down the street as fast as they could, getting out of the House before the cops come. Yeah, Dad's home, the real big dog - the Constitution of the United States of America - and little Donny's not going to have free reign over the House anymore. Do I feel relieved. Dad, please, don't go on another vacation for a while.