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OpEdNews Op Eds    H4'ed 6/26/19


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There are things which are mysteries. Things we will never know or understand and others which aren't as hard. Why do Monarch Butterflies migrate all the way to Mexico? What makes Republicans so smarmy and churlish? But recently the cable news industry suffered a sharp ratings drop, and all theories are running loose.

We have endured nearly three years of the Trump administration and people are just worn out by it. "Coming up next, the President gets a Lego stuck up his nose." Admittedly for a day or two it might be fun to watch. But then the fatigue sets in. "Two more investigations opened up today trying to determine if the Trump family is the most criminal gang on Earth. Day after day, week after week, year after year. Until finally, you're done and can't take any more of the Cheeto who cried wolf.

Fox News suffered a 25% decline in ratings. Of course, it's Summertime and the Klan rallies are being held outdoors. Or maybe grumpy old white men just can't watch the 24/ 7 love fest. "Come on damn it! Bomb something!" Maybe a game show would help the ratings, "Today" one lucky contestant will play for the opportunity to Kiss Trump's Ass! Mrs. Evelyn White is a homemaker from Slap Out Alabama. And when she's not sewing sheets or cutting eye holes, volunteers at the neighborhood watch to guard her neighborhood from the dangers of joggers. In our last show, Mrs. White correctly answered our ten-thousand-dollar question. What is the primary cause of racial strife in America? Mrs. White correctly answered, Black People.

Now, Mrs. White will answer our hundred-thousand-dollar question and the chance to Kiss Trump's ass" According to Sean Hannity, what is the cause of America's budget deficit? You have twenty seconds! (Oh, I wish I were in the land of cotton old times there are not forgotten look away, look away, look away, Dixieland.)

Times up Mrs. White, what is your answer?

Black People?

No, I'm sorry Mrs. White the answer we were looking for was Democrats. Thank you for playing we have some lovely parting gifts for you including the new book, "Coming out of my Shell", the Mitch McConnell story and the latest book from Sarah Palin, "Pour me another and make it a conserfative."

MSNBC 's ratings dropped 32% and what's to be done about it? The problem is simple, we have this huge corn-fed carbuncle in the White House. And on a good day he spends his day in executive time and that's a good day. He announces new grandiose plans no one else in the administration has ever heard about. He contradicts his own senior officials it's like a grab bag you never know what you're going to get so it's time to play "Trump or Consequences." Can you match the lie with the appropriate cabinet member?

CNN endures the worst rating's drop; CNN has the same problems as the other networks. A cosmic Burger King Kong and twenty-four hours of time to fill. Breaking News! "I'm your host Wolf Blitzer, something happened in Washington today and you need to know about it. We'll spend the next six hours discussing it but first, hundreds of mind-numbing commercials." Do you find yourself tired at the end of the day? Do you worry about things more than you should? Do you want to spend more time with your Grandchildren? Aminatrapazillinator is a genetic inhibitor. Don't take Aminatrapazillinator if you're allergic. Side effects include, nausea, insomnia, convulsions, hair loss, diarrhea, lung cancer, dirty dishes, hallucinations and death. Ask your doctor if Aminatrapazillinator is right for you"then get a new doctor.

We're back to discuss the issues with Donald Trump with our panel. But it is important for our viewers at home to note. As the most pompous man on television the panel is largely window dressing to prop me up. And we'll get to that discussion right after these commercial messages.

Do you find yourself tired at the end of the day? Do you worry about things more than you should? Do you want to spend more time with your Grandchildren? Gotazimmacaroni is a sleep inhibitor. Don't take Gotazimmacaroni if you're allergic as results can be lethal. Tell your doctor if you have stage three cancer, Aids, tuberculosis are menopausal or pregnant. Tell your doctor if you lived in the Amazon River Basin or Nile Delta. Don't give Gotazimmacaroni to children under three or people with lunch boxes. With Gotazimmacaroni you can enjoy your million-dollar home and dress in fine evening clothes any time you like.

I'm Wolf Blitzer and this is the Situation room! We're discussing my opinions of the Trump administration with our panel. I've got papers I carry around to make myself look knowledgeable and I'll give you my answers to those important questions when we come back.

Do you find yourself tired at the end of the day? Do you worry about things more than you should? Do you want to spend more time with your Grandchildren? Whakindashitisthis isn't a cure it isn't even a remedy. With Whakindashitisthis you don't need your inhaler. Don't take Whakindashitisthis if you're allergic, don't take Whakindashitisthis if you're poor and don't live in a million-dollar home as Whakindashitisthis is ridiculously expensive. With Whakindashitisthis you can enjoy your grandkids again!

It makes you wonder sometimes, is CNN a network with commercials or a commercial network with occasional programming? Trump fatigue is real and demoralizing. After the President loses a Lego up his nose what is left? Two Legos lost up his nose?

After putting children in squalid concentration camps without proper food and proper healthcare, what do you suppose will happen? We have lice would you like to prophecy the next disease. Typhus, dysentery, CNN Breaking News! The President is a monster and there is no human justification for decent people to try and defend this. This is a Concentration Camp and the occupants inside are being held against their will without charge. They are improperly feed, improperly housed and improperly cared for. There is no defense against these charges. The Nuremberg judges made their verdict very clear as a warning to those who would commit such crimes, so clear, that it would ring out across generations. Death by hanging until dead.

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I who am I? Born at the pinnacle of American prosperity to parents raised during the last great depression. I was the youngest child of the youngest children born almost between the generations and that in fact clouds and obscures who it is that (more...)

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