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OpEdNews Op Eds    H3'ed 4/21/09

Waterboarding to Complete My College Papers

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I’ve been contemplating taking the CIA approach when completing my school work. It seems a lot easier.


In this economy, I have to be as efficient with my time as I can be. If I could be working a job instead of spending time completing papers or projects for classes in college, that would ensure I can take my rightful place among the class ladder in this American empire.


So, why not do like the CIA and just waterboard humans for information necessary to complete my papers and projects?  


I could seek out students or teachers on campus that I think know the information I need for completion of my papers or projects. I can then “pretend” to drown them (I wouldn’t actually drown them, right?) and eventually, they would begin to give me information necessary to finish my school work.


The waterboardings would be motivated by a “ticking time bomb” scenario. I have a deadline for finishing my project or paper. The “detainees” must be waterboarded 50, 100, in fact, 150 times, if necessary, so that I can get the research or information needed to properly footnote my claims in my paper.


So what if they share their knowledge as a result of my abuse? If the CIA can abuse presumed terrorists for intelligence, I can abuse students and teachers for intelligence as well.


And in doing so, it means I do not have to go to the library and spend hours researching, I do not have to phone people for interviews that can be used as primary research, I do not have to spend days surfing the Internet for articles that may or may not be credible, etc.


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Kevin Gosztola is managing editor of Shadowproof Press. He also produces and co-hosts the weekly podcast, "Unauthorized Disclosure." He was an editor for
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