From The Association for The Defense of Santa Clause.
Greetings, friends and lovers of Christmas,
I wish you a Merry Christmas 2014. I have some alarming, but important news to share with you about the war on Christmas. Another loonie Anti Christmas kookamonger, who has probably never been North of Augusta, Maine, let alone to the North Pole, has attacked Santa Clause and Christmas, and by doing so all attacked things good and American in a way that demands action. Instead of blaming those who are truly responsible for drastic problems in our the nation, that being all the hippies, this kook wrote a manifesto blaming Santa Clause for the social, political and environmental problems our country faces today!
The accused terraist who penned it claims that those who celebrate Santa Clause in accordance with THE BIBLE are afflicted with some sort of psychiatric disorder called Santa Clause Syndrome in a grouping of words titled A Holiday Hazing Santa Clause Syndrome! I hesitate to call the fiasco a book for that lends the thing undeserved credit. It blames everything on Santa Clause, even, of course, global warming. This assemblage of paper, or as I like to call it fire starter for the Yule, must be stopped.
I don't think I have to inform you how much of an affront this is to myself, my family and my community --social, political and environmental! J I don't think I have to tell you that an attack against Santa Clause, is an attack on Christianity which is an attack on me, my country and everything, ever. By resorting to accusing Americans who worship Santa Clause as causational for the woes of the world, this Unabomber of Christmas blames JESUS too!
This alone is unacceptable, it must be stopped. Please inform your own social, political, environmental groups, and of course your church book club, about this horrible production that is not only an insult to Santa Clause, but to Christianity, to The Old Testament and New Testament, and to Rudolph and all the Reindeer, but endangers humanity as a whole and the very core essence of our monotheistic world.
As unbelievable as this all is, what's worse is that I hear several school districts in New York, California and Minnesota are planning on including the future fire starter as required reading, for alternative perspective or some such nonsense! And keep this to yourself but it seems certain high school aged children are now sharing the book with middle school aged children and even reading it to younger children as some kind of cruel prank!
With these atrocities in mind, please join me in defense of Santa Clause. There is no stopping this war on Christmas, but this year we can stop this book. Please assist me in my defense of Santa Clause Americana and all things good by contacting your local social, political environmental groups, i.e. schools, churches, book clubs, newspapers and news stations to stop this book from being allowed in schools, or on government property and to insist that their be punitive measures taken against those who dare bring it onto church property or read it to children!
Thank you for taking you time to proactively support The Association for The Defense of Santa Clause by demanding the restriction of this jumble of words to which the First Amendment should not apply.