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The Triumph of Absurdism

By       Message Bob Patterson       (Page 1 of 1 pages)     Permalink    (# of views)   2 comments

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[Note: This column is presented as a work of fiction because the fact checker called in sick, today.]

While the American mainstream media struggle to cope with assessments of the McCain ticket accomplishments that "fail" their fact checks, the inner circles of the French Intellectual milieu is agog over the discovery that the Republican Party in the United States has fully embraced Absurdism.

When a candidate says that victory is at hand in Iraq a day or two before reports are published that the generals in Iraq are advising a delay of the next draw down of American troops, the self-appointed experts obsess over the task of wrapping their tiny brains around the concept that while less is more; the converse "more IS less" is also true. They fail to see any possibility that the arrival of Victory in Iraq has been clearly predicted in the Samuel Beckett's play "Waiting for Godot."

In a world of Republican absurdism, Fox News is the leading proponent and example of "fair and balanced" and the Pulitzer Prizes should be handed out by the Hollywood Society of Publicists and not some ridiculous, idealistic group of Bush-bashers.

In a world that embraces Republican family values and absurdism, Jamie Lynn Spears is a horrible example for America 's young people and Bristol Palin is a fine role model and there is no need to explain any "apparent" contradictions in believing those two separate concepts. Ignorance is strength.

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A dedicated disciple of absurdism despises the annual "Peace on Earth" (Myth of Sisyphus-like concept) platitudes because they know that Peace is an unnatural state for humanity and that war is as natural as eating and doing what the wild bears in the woods do. Peace isn't profitable and some intelligent people can comprehend that, but the Democrats can't. Perpetual war means wartime levels of employment are a guarantee and who fails to appreciate the comfort level that is derived from receiving a regular paycheck? What part of the fact that a wartime job is rather reassuring (Hence: War is Peace) don't they understand?

In a world that accepts absurdism, a columnist can inject the fact that a mention (with link) to the Barstool Mountain website's page with the list of The Top 100 Drinking Songs of all times can bring new traffic to a person's weblog knowing that it would not be out of place in an assessment of the new Republican Ticket. Do you have to be Irish to understand that a Republican administration and drinking go together like depressions and FDR? (Like Paris and Jazz?)

According to a wild story found on an obscure blog, during World War II, a submarine from Vichy France, sailed into an American base, passed themselves off as part of the Free French Forces, did some socializing, resupplied, refueled and sailed off into the depths of the Atlantic in search of Allied ships to sink. Democrats would point out that such a move would involve telling lies. Republicans embracing absurdism values would applaud the existential aspect of such a daring maneuver. Reportedly, the name of the enemy was changed and the incident provided the bases for "The Russians Are Coming; The Russians Are Coming!" novel and movie.

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Democrats who fail to understand the subtleties of absurdism as exemplified in the Republican speeches are probably the very same people who would maintain that everyone is created equal and that the Australian music category for surf music should be given the same respect as has been earned by similar efforts in Canada. Can any Democrat name any accomplishment in Canadian surf music? What duya bet that there's a bigger surf scene in Coober Pedy than in Nanaimo? Didn't Little Pattie win a military medal as well as have a surf music hit?

It is rather easy for a column on absurdism to find room for a paragraph that pays tribute to Duane Eddy, one of America's best guitarist and founding father of Rock'n'Roll.

Can you picture a Democratic pundit finding a way to slip a plug for Huffington Post's Big News Page for the Republican Convention, which is a collection of links to many of the web's best stories and evaluations about the coronation of Sarah and John, into a column about absurdism?

Only Absurdism can explain why one particular columnist would seek to be officially and publicly annotated by Bill O'Reilly as a "Left Wing Lunatic" and be ignored for his efforts. (Can some of you regular readers out there please send him a testimonial letter recommending that he correct this oversight and recognize the achievements of the World's Laziest Journalist? Thank you!)

Is Paris the only city in the world that offers a tour of the sewers? Does Vienna offer visitors a chance to see where one famous "Third Man" scene was filmed?

Is it an example of "farfelu" when a person foregoes the opportunity to hear John McCain's RNC speech and goes to the Santa Monica Public Library to hear Vincent Bugliosi speak and then uses the Q and A session to ask him to compare Charles Manson and George W. Bush? He gave a rather harsh description of both, but sidestepped any direct comparison.

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What about family values? While preparing to write this column, a fellow mentioned that he knew two brothers who were happy to learn that since they were both serving time in San Quentin concurrently, that meant they could celebrate Christmas together.

The Toronto Film Festival has just opened and a film about Passiondaele was shown at the opening night gala. Didn't an absurdist invent the expression "cannon fodder"?

If putting Sarah Palin one heartbeat away from the Presidency doesn't convince you that the Republicans have embraced absurdism then, perhaps, this will: In 1992, in "Zombies of the Gene Pool" (page 89), Sharyn McCrumb wrote: "You can sing quite a few of Emily Dickenson's poems to the tune of 'The Yellow Rose of Texas.'"

Now, the disk jockey will play Little Patty's Australian classic surf tune "He's My Blonde Headed Stompie Wompie Real Gone Surfer Boy" and we will, like those old soldiers in the barracks ballad, just fade way. Have a week that would make Eugene Ionesco envious


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BP graduated from college in the mid sixties (at the bottom of the class?) He told his draft board that Vietnam could be won without his participation. He is still appologizing for that mistake. He received his fist photo lesson from a future (more...)

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