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OpEdNews Op Eds    H3'ed 9/6/16

The Christian Strip Club

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Kurt Vonnegut and Mark Twain are dead. Somebody's got to pick up the torch -- no matter how inadequately.

"It started as a discombobulation. There were many that thought that the First Lady having bared her breasts in magazines was scandalous; possibly eternally damning. Many looked at their own daughters and were depressed and confused. A woman in Iowa wrote a letter to the First Lady's father in Slovenia. He never answered. The poor woman had checked a Slovene dictionary out of the Iowa State University library; however she had confused the Slovenian word for breasts with the word for acne and the Slovenian word for tart with sous chef. She also did some research on the First Lady's father and discovered that he had been a Communist -- her husband speculated that he was a spy. She told her friends at bridge club that she was sure that he was a Muslim, and that he probably didn't even speak Slovene or English.

Things for the First Lady's breasts were not going well at all until a stockbroker in a suburb of Peoria, Illinois, came home after a long ride on his Harley and recognized an image of the First Lady's breasts in the curing concrete of the freshly poured patio for his outdoor kitchen. He excitedly ran upstairs and called FOX NEWS...

The Ex-President turned artist, after years of being in a position to manipulate millions, was now toying with the idea of getting into the men's club industry where he could again manipulate the gullible -- even if it were only a few thousand -- those used to righteous causes never really lose the itch, even if the gullible are severely drunken chicken-sandwich restaurant-franchisee convention attendees or the members of the San Antonio branch of 'The Glenn Beck Prayin' and Shootin'' gun club. He'd already heard rumblings that the National Convention of 'Snipers for Christ' may partner with the Glenn Beck group. He sent a letter to the groups suggesting Rick Perry as the Keynote speaker. He would open his first clubs in Texas of course...

Okay, back to Peoria...By the time the FOX NEWS van pulled up there were already over three hundred of the faithful gathered around the new concrete patio. Many wore "Make America Great Again" caps. Many had brought rosaries and autographed copies of Bill O'Reilly's book about Jesus. The stockbroker was wearing his "Mission Accomplished" bomber jacket. He had placed his ipod dock speakers out on the ledge of his second story bedroom window. He was playing his mix of Hank Williams Jr., Ted Nugent and a classic, devotional, spoken-word album by Clint Eastwood, based on the Dirty Harry movies. Many were crying. Many were burning little paper cutouts of David Brooks in the Stockbroker's red, white and blue chimenea that he had purchased at Buckee's the previous Christmas..." From "The Christian Strip Club" by Franklin Cincinnatus.

I now understand how Nazi Germany came to be. We are watching it play out across our country. Those that care and those that truly love religious freedom, personal freedom and freedom of expression (patriots?) need to speak out -- loud and clear, in all ways at our disposal. Satire has traditionally been very effective. Vote

(Article changed on September 6, 2016 at 14:29)

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Kevin is an Artist, Writer, Carpenter and Gallerist in Texas.

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