1. On riots in England. Local media reports that the only places safe today are purely British restaurants because (according to the youth twitters) the food there is so disgusting that no one wants it anyway. French and Italian restaurants are not so lucky.
2. Big guns. Breaking news. Prince William will address the British rioters tonight inviting them all to his hunting mansion and promising unlimited killing of birds. According to his press- secretary that's how Royal family is used to calm their urges to kill the paparazzi.
3. The effect of the Downgrade. A suggestion was presented by the US Congress and supported by the Israeli Knesset to use Hebrew alphabet for the credit grading further on. Apparently, the highest letter could be forbidden to use and thus it would be impossible to downgrade from it as well as to know the real score.
4. Our troops in Afghanistan. A new uniform is designed for the Navy Seals and their ammo after the helicopter downed: there will be a sign in red, 'We had nothing to do with Osama operation' painted on the backs and sides of the vehicles of any sort, also on the backs of the current uniforms.
5. On elections. Rick Perry is entering the race. His primary slogan is 'US is seceding from Obama'.
6. The passions of Michelle Bachmann. Apparently, during one of her speeches Michelle repeated the statement that 'her heart is in the right place.' When confronted by the medical statement that all humans have their hearts located 'at the left place', Michelle announced that she had two hearts.
7. Karl Rove is back! This time Karl plans first to run Rick Perry's campaign and after the win- to be appointed a Super Czar-a liason officer between the White House and the Supercommittee.
8. On Supercomittee. Rumor says it that there is only one criteria on the basis of which the members will be appointed- they must be ABSOLUTELY MALICIOUS IDIOTS. There is a huge competition.