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Stupid Criminal Auditions

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Debatable Opinions; Letters to the Editor

A letter to the editor of The Town Talk decried the theft of the author's grandmother's new generator.  Grandma had recently become a widow and, considering the likelihood of Louisiana being hit by a hurricane, obviously thought it a good idea and quite comforting to know she would have a plan B for when she lost her electricity.  I think it's a great idea, too.

Unfortunately, "low down sorry thieves" stole the elderly woman's "peace of mind and measure of safety".

An obvious fatalist at heart and a supporter of full disclosure, the “concerned” granddaughter wrote that the burglar "needs to come back and get the wheels".  She even announced that she would leave the wheels "inside...the gate where Maybelle the dog is".

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It's unrealistic to think that this ploy would work, isn't it?  What kind of criminal would go back to the scene of a crime to steal the rest of the booty?

Not so fast, pal.  Don't be fooled by the title of this article.  This is not about auditions that are so unfair they should be called "criminal". 

If you're like me and you watch Keith Olbermann's “Countdown” on MSNBC, you realize that the women may have a fair to midland chance of catching the criminal.

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One of the regular segments on "Countdown" is what Olbermann calls "Best Persons", but don't let that fool you, either.  This particular segment is not necessarily about people with admirable traits.  In fact, it's often not about people who execute an act better than anyone else.  Much of the time, it's about the most amazing screw up that Olbermann or his staff read about or otherwise know about.  In other words, it could be considered the best of the worst.  I believe Olbermann mostly wants to expose the funniest of the worst.  At any rate, this segment of "Countdown" should give hope to the woman whose generator was pilfered.

For example, in one "Best Person's" segment, Olbermann talks about a man from the UK who, after waving and smiling at a road side speed camera several days in a row while actually speeding, was caught.  He told the authorities that he thought he couldn't be arrested.  What was his special circumstance?  The car technically wasn't his because he had registered it in his thirteen year old daughter's name.

In another segment, Keith tells us about a tow truck driver who came to the rescue of a police officer who had been hit from behind by a first tow truck.  Both tow truck drivers were DUI and both worked for the same towing company.

Then there's the bank robber who waved down a cab and attempted to use it as a getaway car.  Although a number of other circumstances would have blown this Willie Sutton wannabe's cover, the fact that the cab driver went directly to the police and told them the thief's whereabouts was all that was really needed.

Naturally, however, the English motorist, the two tow truck operators and the bandit are small potatoes compared to Rod Blagojevich, the soon to be former governor of Illinois.  If the other stupid criminals don't give the elderly Louisiana woman hope, Blagojevich's imbecility should.  As most of us know by now, the governor attempted to sell the senate seat recently vacated by President-elect Barack Obama.  Apparently, Governor Blagojevich thought he had more friends than was actually the case.  Either that or he thought that he wielded so much power that everyone whose arms he tried to twist, including the arms of The Chicago Tribune and The Chicago Cubs, would fear the consequences of turning him down.

One or more of the governor's targets did not fear him and/or did not consider himself, herself or themselves friends of Blagojevich.  One or more of the governor's targets told United States Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald of the governor's plans and Fitzgerald had Blagojevich's phone tapped.

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Let’s hope that the Louisiana women involved in the case of the missing wheel-less generator read OpEdNews or any other reputable news outlet (or even some news outlets that aren’t so reputable or just about any news outlet in the nation) or have otherwise heard of Governor Rod Blagojevich’s dumb move.  The move and especially the apprehension of the reckless governor will give anyone waiting for good news about justice a reason to feel optimistic.


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Michael Bonanno is an associate editor for OpEdNews.

He is also a published poet, essayist and musician who lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Bonanno is a political progressive, not a Democratic Party apologist. He believes it's (more...)

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