Even as thousands of couples prepare to make legal their commitments to each other, the "Christian" gay haters are collecting money from car washes (Wash Away The Sin! Stop The Queers From Marrying!), bake sales (Jesus Wants Fruits and Nuts In Cookies! Not At The Justice of The Peace Office!), and all sorts of family-oriented fund-raisers. Fighting against constitutional protections for gays brings almost the same moist rush as Fundamentalists grab-assing each other at your typical shrieking, hand-raising, grunting, Christian Rock Concert, n'est-ce pas?
Yeah, the cry has gone out across the, um, fruited plain: Stop The Queers!! Save Your Marriage! What's Next, Sex With Whales?
The Crazy Christians (also not a sports team) are planning a ballot initiative this November in California's general election. The initiative will make it clear that marriage is God-inspired (utter horseshit), clearly reserved for "normal" people, and must be denied gay folk if Western Civilization is to survive. Millions of dollars are to be spent promoting this twisted, rancid form of Christian Love ("hate the sin, love the sinner" - the reply to which should be "oh, eat me") money that Jesus might suggest could be better used if it was spent on food, shelter, health care, prison reform, you know, goofy liberal nonsense like that.
In fact, it's right in there, the goofy liberal stuff - in the Bible - probably nowhere near the various lists of whom to hate next. I believe it's in Matthew. "For I was an hungry, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungry, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."
Oh, well, to Hell with that liberal bat-squeeze! Right, Fundies? The poor and the sick and the hungry are that way because, well, because they're poor and sick and hungry! Wouldn't work. Wouldn't buy health insurance! Wouldn't get up off their lazy asses and do what you did. So, what do you expect? God helps those who help themselves, right?
Now get out of my way, radio boy! Gotta get busy. Got money to raise. Sermons to preach about those sinful queers. Ballot initiatives to organize! Constitutional Amendments to write! All sorts of crazy crap to do. Get outta my way! Hallelujah! Stop the queers! Stop the queers! Stop the queers!