No sooner I murmured 'bout running for prez,
Than I got an e-ad that does what it says:
"Is The White House your goal? Why, we've got your back,
Just review and select the most interesting pack,
'Cause we've got the dirt, whatever your budget,
Left, right and centrist in case you need fudge it."
They work in the Kremlin at their own expense,
And sometimes see Putin a-sat in the Gents:
"No matter it is if you need dissemble,
Your opponent it is who's going to hard tremble."
The brochure described their most popular packs,
To win outright or give opponents some whacks.
"Our Pack Tulsi Gabbard sends joy at full prate:
Kremlin deep chatter saying this person's great,
Which trolls can trace quickly to our Moscow shop,
And from there to aver that she's Putin's mop:
Dashboards and message boards, botnets quite porous,
All signed by Sergei, Natasha and Boris."
Their Pack Dossier is more costly but smart,
Endorsed by Hillary with all of her heart,
Guaranteed to picture your opponent as heel,
All whom he slept with, all he did steal.
For a bit extra they'll throw in a witness,
Someone with style and silicone fitness.
They have packs to raise polls and do dirt to libs,
Packs for half-truths, straight lies and light fibs,
If you're anti-gun, pro-high tax and clean air,
They've got a pack that would Donald Trump scare.
So before my campaign gets going in full,
I plan to invest in some well-crafted bull.