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If countries could take the names of the famous,
Russians you'd name after no ignoramus,
But somebody who through fault of his own,
Took guff, crap and hell from every Jack known.
"Rodney Dangerfield," his face all sweat-specked,
To a tee describes Russians, who get no respect.
First Clinton presided o'er the looting post-Sov'
Gaining for hustlers a vast treasure trove,
And moved Nato eastwards to Moscow's front door
To make it "secure" and "reach out" to them more,
Then Bush helped out by opening more bases,
The policy being to get right in their faces.
Obama full ignored the Russian Olymp',
Trump cut treaties that in first-strike put crimp,
And though he'd wanted to improve relations,
Scandal at home meant policy gyrations,
For our Deep State mandarins will hold no truck
With a new strong Russia climbing out of its muck.
But climbing it is now, which I'm glad to see,
Chumming with China, owning the Black Sea,
From none taking crap, without care looking on
As Biden preps measures and sanctions upon,
Preps them from principle and just to look tough,
Or envious that Vlad looks better in buff.
Cutting-edge P.R. is what old Russia needs,
Influencers raving on huge Facebook feeds,
Rappers, Kim Kard and LeBron on TED Talks,
Saying Vlad's cool and the New Russia rocks,
And don't forget Congress where ten bucks'll buy
A thumbs-down on sanctions and a Lavrov five-high.
But Russians we're fated to ever oppose,
(Unless as with Hitler we have common foes),
And diss them and jeer them as fly-by-night bums,
Who snap up their neighbors and beat their war drums,
For too many jobs depend on this story,
This perfect villain and uncatchable quarry.