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Rich Lowry on Boinking Palin ... in Thought Only

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Message Sandy Sand
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As far as I can tell, Sarah Palin has far too much testosterone for the average woman. All that shootin’ wolves from choppers, all that tough talkin’ with all that smiling’ and winkin’, all that killin’ the goalie hockey aggression, by golly gosh.

A while back, like about a week or so ago, I was asked by a man, of course, why NOW wasn’t defending Sarah Palin against all the attacks on her by her vociferous critics?

Wheeeel, I wrote back, since when does NOW or any group defending any constituency like NOW or the NAACP come to the defense of every person who falls into that group?

Should NOW defend Lizzie Border, Ma Barker, Tokyo Rose or Harriet Miers? Well, only if they want to. NOW doesn’t have to defend those women anymore than the NAACP has to come to the rescue of O.J. Simpson or Michael Vick.

Why on Earth would NOW defend the most ardent anti-woman candidate in the history of American politics. Palin doesn’t represent me any more than she does 99.99-percent of women in the country.

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Now along comes the National Republic’s Rich Lowry, and like Sarah Palin or not, his public hallucinations about Palin, riddled with subliminal thoughts of beatin’ the meat, uncoilin’ the snake, poundin’ the provolone, smoothin’ the salami, harvestin’ the cucumber and yankin’ the sausage…two questions arise:

Why all the food euphemisms and where’s NOW now?

If he’d written the same unveiled salacious thoughts about Hillary Clinton or any other female politician, they be all over him like whipped cream on a Linda Lovelace.

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They’d be shouting, nay screaming, that this would-be Palin impaler is a misogynistic, sexist bastard of a pig, who should be strung up by his neconistic, conservative balls.

And here we thought conservatives were an unsexy lot who put their women in chastity belts, and wore them around their brains only to be unlocked during the wee-est, darkest hours of nights, never to be spoken about in public, let alone in mixed company.

If I wanted to bother, I’d Google what Rich Lowrey had to say about Bill Clinton’s near boink.

Here’s what Lowry posted:

I'm sure I'm not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, "Hey, I think she just winked at me." And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can't be learned; it's either something you have or you don't, and man, she's got it.

Even Keith Olbermann and Bill Maher couldn’t resist the temptation to squeeze off a few jokes on this one.

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Olbermann could hardly contain himself during the half-dozen times he gleefully promo'ed it before finally telling the story by reading Lowry’s few sentences with all the gusto of a books on tape narrator.

Maher had to chide his audience because they began laughing ten seconds before he had the chance to deliver the punch line.

Maybe like many stories it will take a few days for the misogynistic spinners to grab ‘hold of this one and milk it for all its worth. But then, maybe the Republicans have had enough cannibalism for a while, and will let this shrink into oblivion as quickly as it arose.

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Sandy Sand began her writing career while raising three children and doing public relations work for Women's American ORT (Organization for Rehabilitation through Training). That led to a job as a reporter for the San Fernando Valley Chronicle, a (more...)
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