Share on Google Plus Share on Twitter Share on Facebook 1 Share on LinkedIn Share on PInterest Share on Fark! Share on Reddit Share on StumbleUpon Tell A Friend 1 (2 Shares)  

Printer Friendly Page Save As Favorite View Favorites (# of views)   3 comments
OpEdNews Op Eds

Premium Citizenship: A Marketing Plan to Save America.

By       Message Allan Goldstein     Permalink
      (Page 1 of 2 pages)
Related Topic(s): ; ; ; ; ; , Add Tags Add to My Group(s)

Must Read 2   Well Said 2   Funny 2  
View Ratings | Rate It

Author 29544
Become a Fan
  (22 fans)

Rich people
(Image by public domain)
  Permission   Details   DMCA
- Advertisement -
merica is in a mortal crisis.   The country is flat broke; everybody knows it, yet nobody wants to face facts and do something about it.

If we want to salvage what little is left of what we nostalgically call "The American Dream," we're going to have to find a lot of money.   Nothing else will help.

- Advertisement -

Street protests are fun; there's nothing youth enjoys more than a block party, with risk.   But in the end, they don't end up to much.

We can protest Wall Street until they move the markets to the cloud, and they're halfway there already.   They've gone from promising us pie in the sky to making pies in the sky and hogging all the slices.

If we're going to change America, we need to think out of the petty cash box.

We can't cut our way out of this crisis.   Cut everything from the budget but the military and entitlements and we're still facing a hole the size of Chris Christie's boiler.

- Advertisement -

We won't get there with taxes.   The poor and middle class--and the line between them is getting pretty blurry--don't have the money.   They're barely hanging on already.

The only source of new revenues is the rich, who haven't been paying their fair share since the Johnson Administration.   But there is no way they'll let us raise their taxes.

We've been going at it all wrong.   You don't take from the rich.   You sell to the rich.   You sell them what they crave more than cash itself: Status.

You know what gets wealthy folks excited and loosens their purses?   Makes their little status-conscious hearts go pitter-patter?   Exclusivity, that's what.   The club we can't get into.   The VIP table roped off with red velvet.   The visible-to-all-the-masses sign that says, I'm better than you.   I'm special.

If we're going to shake the money out of the rich we need to give them something showy, even gaudy, to buy.   We need to offer them Premium Citizenship.

The first level of premium citizenship will cost $50,000 a year.   These "Silver level" citizens get two votes, get to use carpool lanes, park in handicapped spots, and be excused from jury duty.   Standard Peon citizens are Mr., Mrs., or Ms.   Silver level citizens are Sir or Madam.

Gold level citizenship costs $250,000 a year.   These worthies are addressed as Most Honored Sir or Madam and enjoy additional benefits and immunities.   A Gold citizen gets five votes, may jump the line at all government offices and smoke anywhere.

- Advertisement -

Diamond level citizenship starts at one million dollars a year, they cast 25 votes, receive a special coat of arms designating their place of residence, and are to be addressed as My Lord and My Lady.   All government services will be provided to them, at home, including DMV.

Diamond level citizens shall enjoy one "get out of jail free" card per calendar year, as long as they maintain their status.   This exemption will cover all misdemeanors, one per year, and every fifth year one felony, up to and including mayhem, but excluding all capital crimes.

For those who will settle for nothing less than the best, we offer the ultimate: Quantum Level Citizenship.   A strictly limited number of these will be available.   The cost for Quantum Citizenship shall be a minimum of one billion dollars.

Next Page  1  |  2


- Advertisement -

Must Read 2   Well Said 2   Funny 2  
View Ratings | Rate It

San Francisco based columnist, author, gym rat and novelist. My book, "The Confessions of a Catnip Junkie" is the best memoir ever written by a cat. Available on, or wherever fine literature is sold with no sales tax collected. For (more...)

Share on Google Plus Submit to Twitter Add this Page to Facebook! Share on LinkedIn Pin It! Add this Page to Fark! Submit to Reddit Submit to Stumble Upon

Go To Commenting
/* The Petition Site */
The views expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.

Writers Guidelines

Contact AuthorContact Author Contact EditorContact Editor Author PageView Authors' Articles
- Advertisement -

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

Broken Unions, Broken Nation, and the Lie that Keeps us Broke

Republican Autoerotic Asphyxiation

The Short, Sad Life of Greedaholics Anonymous

How do you know if you're an artist?

"The Memoirs of the White House Janitor." By Cosmo "Ace" Willingham.

What do we lose if we "lose" in Afghanistan?