Someone He Never Knew! An Urban Legend
Congressman Paul Ryan is divorcing. No, not Janna, but the wife-like figure he says he never knew, never had, never loved. That atheist named Ayn. Ayn's friend, Atlas, did much more than just shrug when he heard the news. Truth be told, Atlas shuddered, trembled and broke down in tears. Both he and Ayn were unconsolable. They never saw it coming!
The love letters, volumes, really, written by Ayn to Paul alone, that Ryan allowed (required) his Congressional staff to read and relish...Will they end up in a storage locker? Will Ryan wear the key around his neck? Or will he, like many disillusioned lovers, throw them all in a trash can and tearfully light a match? Will Ryan pretend that Ayn was someone he never knew?
History is full of jilted lovers and the stories are all the same. This one is a little different, however. Ryan can try to erase her from his life, but he will never be able to erase her from his legacy. You see, they have a child together and that child is living, breathing proof of their dalliance. The child was first known as, "The Path To Prosperity", but is now simply called "The Ryan Budget". The baby's first year was more than joyful! Two hundred and thirty five of Ryan's best friends showed up at the christening, all bearing votes of Republican support.
The second year has been a little less joyful, maybe because the rest of the world has come to know this child for what he truly is, a cross between the Omen and the 'real' Hunger Games. Two hundred and twenty eight friends (10 were "No, I won't be attending this year") showed up at the 2nd birthday party, but a few days after the party, Ryan found out that after all these years, he had been deceived by this woman he says he never knew, never had, never loved. He found out that she was, of all things, an atheist. The woman that shaped his life, the one who had given him his reason to be, was suddenly exposed. Of all of the terrible things that could have happened, this was the worst, and maybe that is why Fate, that fickle b*tch, saved it for now.
Paul Ryan has become one of the most powerful men in the Republican party. He is the one that all the others look to for brains and he was reaching the peak (no, not the widow's peak that is so prominent on his forehead) , so much so that many in his party have looked to Ryan as a viable running mate for Willard. Vice-President Ryan had such a nice ring to it: Romney-Ryan, or as Sarah Palin might say, "Ryan-Romney" sounded like a winning ticket.
If only the fickle b*tch, Fate, had not stepped in and made an issue of the Bastard Child who sprang from the very loins of an atheist! Ryan is a good Catholic, after all. How could the smart one be so stupid to think that this tainted love affair, or any product of it, could survive and move forward after pressure was brought to bear by Ryan's beloved (Hah!) Church.
Prior to Ryan's recent speech to students at Georgetown University, ninety faculty members and priests signed a letter of protest, that outed the product of Rand and Ryan's mind weld. A portion of that letter follows:
"However, we would be remiss in our duty to you and our students if we did not challenge your continuing misuse of Catholic teaching to defend a budget plan that decimates food programs for struggling families, radically weakens protections for the elderly and the sick, and gives more tax breaks to the wealthiest few. As the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has wisely noted in several letters to Congress - " a just framework for future budgets cannot rely on disproportionate cuts in essential services to poor persons." Catholic bishops recently wrote that "the House-passed budget resolution fails to meet these moral criteria."
In short, your budget appears to reflect the values of your favorite philosopher, Ayn Rand, rather than the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Her call to selfidhness and her antagonism toward religion are antithetical to the Gospel values of compassion and love."
Religion, or lack of it, is not supposed to make a difference and is not supposed to serve as a litmus test for public office, but the climate of the country has changed. No religion? No public office! And it must be the 'right' kind of religion...
Of course Paul has to deny!
Ryan and Rand's child did not come into the world wrapped in the words that are etched on the plaque inside the Statue of Liberty:
"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses.The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-lost to me. I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"