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OpEdNews Op Eds    H3'ed 4/1/09

O'Reilly Announces Plan To Boycott Minnesota (Not an April Fool's Joke!)

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With most every legal option exhausted by Norm Coleman and Al Franken about ready to take his U.S Senate seat, Bill O’Reilly has made his position quite clear. Until Franken leaves the US Senate, he will be boycotting Minnesota.

Last night on The O'Reilly Factor...

Hi. I’m Bill O’Reilly. Thank you for watching tonight.

Tonight I will be doing something I never thought I would have to, but that’s only because the unimaginable has happened. Al Franken, the despicable smear merchant who I have cleverly referred to for years as Stuart Smiley will be officially seated in the U.S. Senate.

That is the subject of tonight’s Talking Point.

First of all, it’s

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 important to know that I am a objective observer who has no dog in this fight, but when I see this great country being brought down to such a level that a vile gutternipe can be elected to the U.S. Senate, I can no longer sit on the sidelines.

[ad#med-square] So it is tonight I am announcing that until Franken leaves or is asked to leave the US Senate, I will be boycotting Minnesota. The entire state and anything that has the least bit of connection to Minnesota. This means I will not be visiting Minnesota, nor shopping at stores nor using products of any businesses headquartered in Minnesota (including Target, UnitedHealth Group, 3M, General Mills, Best Buy). In addition, I will not be watching any TV shows emanating from or about Minnesota, including Minnesota Timberwolves, Vikings or Twin games. That means, much to my chagrin, I will no longer watch the film Fargo or my beloved Mary Tyler Moore show reruns and from now on be referring to Minnesota Fats as just plain Fats.

I will no longer listen to Bob Dylan or Prince - or whatever the hell that pinhead is calling himself today. I will no longer read Scott Fitzgerald or Garrison Keillor nor play John Madden Football 2009.

I will no longer ice fish in Lake Superior and from now on will refer to the Five Great Lakes as "the Four Great Lakes and one I consider inconsequential."

I will no longer participate in frigid winter mornings nor look outside at beautiful snowy landscapes.

I realize that not all Minnesotans may have voted for Franken. In fact I’m not sure if anyone did. But as an objective journalist I have no choice but to ruin the economy of a state where the people would rather stomach this piece of human excrement than leave. Not being a man of reckless vindictiveness and believing you’d have to be a drunken female in a halter top just asking to be raped or a teen-aged hostage of a sexual deviant who liked his situation to vote for this moron, I will be giving the clearheaded Minnesota Folks™ 24 hours notice to leave the state before I officially begin the boycott.

The clock is running.

And that’s a memo.

Next up, to get a objective take on the Franken election: Dick Morris, Ann Coulter, Bernie Goldberg, Newt Gingrich, Glenn Beck, Tammy Bruce, Mary Katharine Ham, Dennis Miller, Karl Rove, Laura Ingraham and Michelle Malkin.

FOX STING

*Yet it is April 1st.

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