Last night on The O'Reilly Factor...
Hi. I’m Bill O’Reilly. Thank you for watching tonight.
Tonight I will be doing something I never thought I would have to, but that’s only because the unimaginable has happened. Al Franken, the despicable smear merchant who I have cleverly referred to for years as Stuart Smiley will be officially seated in the U.S. Senate.
That is the subject of tonight’s Talking Point.
First of all, it’s
[ad#med-square] So it is tonight I am announcing that until Franken leaves or is asked to leave the US Senate, I will be boycotting Minnesota. The entire state and anything that has the least bit of connection to Minnesota. This means I will not be visiting Minnesota, nor shopping at stores nor using products of any businesses headquartered in Minnesota (including Target, UnitedHealth Group, 3M, General Mills, Best Buy). In addition, I will not be watching any TV shows emanating from or about Minnesota, including Minnesota Timberwolves, Vikings or Twin games. That means, much to my chagrin, I will no longer watch the film Fargo or my beloved Mary Tyler Moore show reruns and from now on be referring to Minnesota Fats as just plain Fats.
I will no longer listen to Bob Dylan or Prince - or whatever the hell that pinhead is calling himself today. I will no longer read Scott Fitzgerald or Garrison Keillor nor play John Madden Football 2009.
I will no longer ice fish in Lake Superior and from now on will refer to the Five Great Lakes as "the Four Great Lakes and one I consider inconsequential."
I will no longer participate in frigid winter mornings nor look outside at beautiful snowy landscapes.
I realize that not all Minnesotans may have voted for Franken. In fact I’m not sure if anyone did. But as an objective journalist I have no choice but to ruin the economy of a state where the people would rather stomach this piece of human excrement than leave. Not being a man of reckless vindictiveness and believing you’d have to be a drunken female in a halter top just asking to be raped or a teen-aged hostage of a sexual deviant who liked his situation to vote for this moron, I will be giving the clearheaded Minnesota Folks™ 24 hours notice to leave the state before I officially begin the boycott.
The clock is running.
And that’s a memo.
Next up, to get a objective take on the Franken election: Dick Morris, Ann Coulter, Bernie Goldberg, Newt Gingrich, Glenn Beck, Tammy Bruce, Mary Katharine Ham, Dennis Miller, Karl Rove, Laura Ingraham and Michelle Malkin.
*Yet it is April 1st.