Share on Google Plus Share on Twitter Share on Facebook Share on LinkedIn Share on PInterest Share on Fark! Share on Reddit Share on StumbleUpon Tell A Friend

Printer Friendly Page Save As Favorite View Favorites (# of views)   No comments
OpEdNews Op Eds

News Alert: Doctors Find Rush Limbaugh Has No Heart Trouble.

By       Message Tommy News     Permalink
      (Page 1 of 1 pages)
Related Topic(s): ; ; ; , Add Tags Add to My Group(s)

Must Read 1   Funny 1   Supported 1  
View Ratings | Rate It

opednews.com

- Advertisement -

News Alert: Doctors Find Rush Limbaugh Has No Heart Trouble.

- Advertisement -
After being taken to a Hawaiian hospital due to pain, Rush Limbaugh has been released from the Hawaii hospital and has held a press conference.The conservative talk show host stated that the Doctors found no heart trouble at all.
- Advertisement -
In fact, what the medical team found was that Limbaugh has no heart at all. In place of a heart they found a black rock. The team concluded that the pain the conservative talk radio host claimed he felt in Hawaii was just gas pain from eating too much luau pineapple and roast pig and from drinking excessive amounts of spiked coconut milk to wash down his Oxycontin and other prescriptions. Limbaugh immediately requested additional prescriptions for his pain.
Doctors wore surgical masks as they instructed Limbaugh to stick out his tongue. They quickly put an apple in his mouth and told him to say "oink" as they examined his digestive system.
Limbaugh was prescribed a laxative, more addictive painkillers, and told to sit on theJohn when he feels the gas pain again.
At the press conference, Limbaugh said that the Health Care System is working perfectly, and does not need any change whatsoever, and therefore Congress should reject any form of Health Care Reform. As for death panels, he said that if poor Democrats and Liberals have no health insurance, more of them will die sooner and be unable to vote, putting Jeb Bush in the White House much faster. The entire Bush family was reported to cheer when they heard this news.
- Advertisement -
When asked for further comment about his future plans, Limbaugh said that when he does his future radio shows, he will now mute the microphone when he passes gas. The Oxycontin has damaged Limbaugh's hearing and he cannot hear his own noise, including his statements. Listeners are advised to listen with caution, as it is impossible for Limbaugh or radio listeners to tell which end of Limbaugh the hot gas is coming from.

(This is fictional satire based upon recent events)

 

- Advertisement -

Must Read 1   Funny 1   Supported 1  
View Ratings | Rate It

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Anti_Hate_Pride_League/
Tommy News is a peace and equal rights activist, citizen journalist, artist, and educator. He is active in Progressive politics, and regularly shares and blogs on the news of the day. His diverse interests include the Fine and Performing Arts, (more...)
 

Share on Google Plus Submit to Twitter Add this Page to Facebook! Share on LinkedIn Pin It! Add this Page to Fark! Submit to Reddit Submit to Stumble Upon



Go To Commenting
/* The Petition Site */
The views expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.

Writers Guidelines

Contact AuthorContact Author Contact EditorContact Editor Author PageView Authors' Articles
Related Topic(s): ; ; ; , Add Tags
- Advertisement -

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

Senate Slips Huge Pentagon War Funding Bill in Under The Radar.

Sarah Palin palled around with convicted Alaska felon Senator Ted Stevens, her mentor!

Start Your Victory Gardens, America

We Must Stop The Gun Violence: The Way Forward

The horrible consequences of the Supreme Court Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission ruling.

Take Action: React to "Tea Parties" by having E.A.T. Parties