Attention peasants of the world:
We, the Top 1%, or rather, the Top 1% of the Top 1% - names you can't even Google - have decided at the most recent World Economic Forum in Davos, to implement our New World Order -- a term made famous when it was mistakenly revealed by one of our dreadful lower-class complacent servants. Unfortunately, as displayed quite prominently by the likes of his family tree, inbreeding and mental retardation go hand-in-hand with wealth consolidation. Anyone who watches Game of Thrones or who has seen the ears on Prince Charles knows that.
But we digress.
The fact is there are just too many people on our planet. The planet, as well as our patience, is at a breaking point.
Therefore, we, along with our new initiates in the tech world, have devised an algorithm designed to separate the wheat from the chaff. (We are ever the fans of timeless old references.)
Now ordinarily, we would remain in the shadows, pulling the strings on our many compliant clueless puppets (never underestimate the value of a Hannity). However, recent events, such as the mass acceptance or indifference to the Patriot Act and the financial bailouts of 2008, which continued under yet a second presidential administration -- and a "liberal" one at that (that concept never ceases to result in a chuckle or two whenever it comes up) -- has emboldened us to just carry on with the business at hand.
Aside from the fact that no explanation is necessary, or required, on our part, we just take great pleasure in exercising such power over the ordinary powerless little bugs that we believe do not deserve a ny modicum of respect, much less life, liberty, or the pursuit of happiness.
Those words were written for us, my dear delusional fellows. There is no philosophical difference when our minions utter such prescient phrases as "all life is sacred".
In reality, our lives are sacred.
That is where the sanctity ends, however.
To that end, our algorithm will analyze factors such as assets, income, intelligence, education, age, special skills or abilities, and lastly, certain genetic markers, coupled with ethnicity, to determine which 2.5 billion people shall be granted the right to live and thrive, and by contrast, which 4.5 billion will be exterminated by various means at our disposal.
At this point we would end our correspondence and say "good luck" to you all.
However, we don't believe in luck. Throughout world history, we, and our cherished ancestors, have made our own luck. One way or another. Just as we are doing now.Ta-ta now. Run along and do whatever it is you people do.