Most Popular Choices
Share on Facebook 10 Printer Friendly Page More Sharing
Exclusive to OpEd News:
OpEdNews Op Eds    H3'ed 1/25/10

Let's all welcome CorPersons to the human world!

By       (Page 1 of 2 pages)   4 comments
Follow Me on Twitter     Message Chaz Valenza
Become a Fan
  (33 fans)

As corporations evolve into humanoids - CorPersons - we must give these new friends and fellow earthlings equality. For if we do not we will surely lose our own humanity.

Though it's a legal fiction, in multiple ways, that U.S. corporations are people, I assure you this injustice can be remedied.

It should matter not in our treatment of CorPersons that there was never any court ruling or legislation bestowing upon corporations personhood. See: Santa Clara County v. Southern Pacific Railroad.

So what, if a wayward remark in a headnote to a court case was seized by corporate interests to transform a myth into a "legal fact," an "entity" into a living, breathing, conscious being, alive with feelings and vitality? We must all rejoice at the birth of our illusory child.

On Thursday, January 21, 2010, the U.S. Supreme Court slapped the CorPerson on its fat butt, cut the umbilical cord and, the heir to a zillion-zillon dollar fortune, wailed with joy!

So, I say, let's keep going! Howdy and welcome to the human world CorPersons! God bless the child that's got not only its own but everybody else's.

In the spirit of taking things way too far, I suggest the following human attributes be bestowed upon the new humanoid immediately:

The Right to Pay Human Taxes: Forget two tax rates. With equality for CorPersons we only need one. If people can't take the deduction, neither can a CorPerson. Cars, planes, meals, travel, supplies, equipment, raw materials, all taxable! Depreciation deduction? A thing of the past. You're human now ya' big goofy conglomerate you!

(Image by Unknown Owner)   Details   DMCA

Election Laws: CorPersons must obey all human person election laws, including individual campaign contribution limits. No, sorry, real humans can't afford TV ads so, it's only fair you can't do those. It would be way over the limit. But, here's the good part: CorPersons will be able to run for public office. President Exxon/Mobil has a nice ring to it.

The Right to be Imprisoned: Don't do the crime if you can't do the time. If humans get time for the crime, so do CorPersons. Stealing, cheating, perjury, fraud all crimes subject to jail terms. While CorPersons are virtually incarcerated, all outside corporation activities desist.

Jury Duty: CorPersons will have the honor, and the obligation, as citizens to serve as jurors. We can issue each CorPerson a driver's license so they get called. They need only send one human person, but the rest of the corporation may not continue operations while their representative is at the court house. During breaks, the people who comprise the corporation can grab a bite to eat, read, have a smoke or walk around the block. But, just like human jurors, they won't be able to get anything important, like work or making a living, done.

The Draft: If a military draft is instituted CorPersons over 18 years of age will be eligible. Like their human counter parts, they will be put to work as the military commands. Oil companies will become information technology providers. Aircraft manufactures will be in scripted into the infantry, etcetera. Manufacturing firms will... Well, let's just hope the war isn't against China.

Bankruptcy: Yes. Underwater? Behind on your payments to creditors? Profitability in the dumper? Can't make the payroll? We have courts where these matters are settled for human people and why not for CorPersons, even TBTF BankoCorPersons, as well? Human people at the top of the CorPerson will need to act like other human people in business. When times are bad, when things go wrong, human people at the top of the CorPerson get paid last or not at all!

The Right to Vote: Each CorPerson should have suffrage and be allowed one vote in Federal, State, County and local jurisdictions wherein they were inCorPersonhooded upon the reaching voting age. This will also get them called for jury duty.

And, finally...

Next Page  1  |  2

(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).

Well Said 5   Must Read 4   Valuable 3  
Rate It | View Ratings

Chaz Valenza Social Media Pages: Facebook page url on login Profile not filled in       Twitter page url on login Profile not filled in       Linkedin page url on login Profile not filled in       Instagram page url on login Profile not filled in

Chaz Valenza is writer and small business owner in New Jersey. He earned his MBA from New York University's Stern School of Business. His current feature film project is "Single Point Failure" an insider's account of how the Reagan Administration (more...)
Go To Commenting
The views expressed herein are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.
Follow Me on Twitter     Writers Guidelines

Contact AuthorContact Author Contact EditorContact Editor Author PageView Authors' Articles
Support OpEdNews

OpEdNews depends upon can't survive without your help.

If you value this article and the work of OpEdNews, please either Donate or Purchase a premium membership.

If you've enjoyed this, sign up for our daily or weekly newsletter to get lots of great progressive content.
Daily Weekly     OpEd News Newsletter
   (Opens new browser window)

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

America's 14 Most Ready to Riot Cities

It's Official: Gov Stats Shows the Middle Class is Dead

Top Ten Twitter "so I pepper sprayed him" Jokes

Occupy Wall Street: Day 9 - 200+ Arrested - MSM Finally Wake-up

Three Rules for Living through the Second Depression

Occupy Wall Street Day 8: 100+ Arrested for Peaceful, Legal Protest; Nets & Pepper Spray Used.

To View Comments or Join the Conversation:

Tell A Friend