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Joe the Democrat Decides to Vote for McCain. Here is Why:

By   Follow Me on Twitter     Message Edip Yuksel       (Page 1 of 1 pages)     Permalink

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If there is Joe the Democrat, it is me. After closely following this historic campaign, after contemplating on the wisdom of Joe the Plumber and John the Maverick, I finally decided to betray my liberal and democratic past and vote for McCain and Palin ticket. Please share this paragraph together with the following 20 reasons with your Republican friends so that they could convert liberals.

 

  1. Though McCain does not know how many houses he owns, he cares about yours! Give the key of the White House to McCain, my friends.
  2. McCain is not a pig, and Palin is not a plain lipstick! My friends, McCain knows how to pick a winking-mate!
  3. McCain knows economy; his economy adviser Phil Graham was right when he called those who complained about bad economy, "whiners" and "delusional." My friends, McCain knows the experts!
  4. A Republican average Joe is a plumber with no license, delinquent on his taxes, and makes 40 thousand dollars yet worries about those who make more than 250 thousand.
  5. McCain claims to be a hero and knows how to win wars! He fought in Vietnam which he won, and he would win even more victories if he did not lose his fifth jet there.
  6. McCain was an underdog, not a snobby elite student: he graduated from Naval Academy fifth from the bottom in class rank, 894th out of 899! Give good grades to McCain. My friends, McCain knows!
  7. McCain is tough, he sings "bomb, bomb, bomb;" he is a hero! He will wage seven wars with a budget far below zero! My friends, you can trust McCain. He is John the Superman!
  8. McCain is John the Maveric: Drill here, drill now! Drool there, drool now! Give McCain a drill, my friends!
  9. Iraq had WMD, Iraqis attacked us in 9/11. The war was easy, short, and cheap. Iraqis cheered us as liberators. They lost a million and they are dying in thousands just to keeps us there. McCain knows, my friends!
  10. McCain will invest ten billion dollars every week in Iraq, for a hundred years. You can trust McCain, my friends!
  11. Though McCain voted against a bill to ban torture, he is against torture. Though you are against Bush, vote McCain, my friends!
  12. McCain loves children so much last year he voted against Children's Health Care bill, to protect them from liberal doctors with needles. My friends, McCain had his own children!
  13. McCain is not erratic. He's not hotheaded. He does not lose his temper, and he does not worry Republican Senators. For peace and prosperity, vote McCain my friends.
  14. The government watchdog group Public Citizen lied about McCain: McCain does not have 59 lobbyists raising money for his campaign. McCain needs your money, my friends! If he cannot spend it, his winking-mate knows how to spend.
  15. Though he scored a zero from the League of Conservation Voters last year, McCain cares about environment. McCain is a heroic recycler, my friends.
  16. McCain cares about middle class Americans; according to McCain, you are poor if you cannot make $5 million a year! McCain cares about the poor, my friends!
  17. McCain is not a grumpy old man; he does not deserve retirement. Just look how happy he is next to Palin. Give McCain a chance, my friends!
  18. Washington is corrupt and McCain is not a Washington insider! He has been in Washington only for 26 years, less than half of his life. McCain will change Washington; He is “Joe the Politician,” my friends!
  19. McCain promised to chase bin Laden to the gates of Hell! My friends, give McCain another jet, let him fulfill his promise!
  20. Liberal media make big deal out of the fact that McCain's winking-mate violated McCain's own legislation by spending $150,000 of campaign contribution in September on designer clothes. Liberal socialists do not understand that this is consistent with the Joe-the-plumber story. If McCain's average Joe is making $250,000 a year, why his winking-mate should not wear fancy clothes? Palin deserves even more designer clothes and make-up. So vote for McCain, my friends, so that we have an attractive sex-pack princess in the White house. You betcha!

 

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EDIP YUKSEL, J.D. is a progressive American-Turkish-Kurdish author/philosopher/lawyer/activist (too many hyphens and slashes, I know). His recent English books "Quran: a Reformist Translation", "Manifesto for Islamic Reform", and "NINETEEN: God's (more...)
 

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