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Jesus Would Take His Gun to Church [Satire]

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Message Grant Lawrence

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"As a Christian pastor I believe that without a deep-seeded belief in God and firearms that this country would not be here."
Pastor Ken Pagano, Pastor of New Bethel Church in Louisville Kentucky, celebrating "open carry" of guns by asking parishioners to bring their gun to church.

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also."
Jesus, Gospel of Luke

I recently wrote an article, "Tennessee's Law Allowing Guns in Bars Doesn't Go Far Enough" and some argued that taking their pistol to a local bar was their right. I guess they feel like they are free if they can carry a gun to a bar. Strange what makes people feel free. But I didn't think the law went far enough and sure enough there are others that agree with me.

There is a move throughout the United States to allow "open carry" of guns into church. Arkansas recently considered a law that would allow open carry in church. Some churches are celebrating gun ownership by having parishioners bring their weapons to church.

It may seem odd that churches would encourage open carry of guns in a sacred place, like church. But maybe that is because we don't understand that Jesus is for freedom. Never mind that Jesus never condemned slavery:

"But the most astounding pro-slavery statement in the Bible is made by Jesus himself in Matthew 10:24-25. Here Jesus not only reminds slaves that they are never above their master, he actually recommends that they strive to be like him"
Source: Slavery and the Bible

Now I don't believe in carrying firearms to church but there are a lot of good Christian folk that think Jesus wants them to bring their hand guns to worship.

I guess they believe Jesus wants all Americans to openly pack a pistol since that is a sign that they are free. If Jesus were here in America today, they believe that he too would take his gun to church.

Wait, you don't believe Jesus would take his gun to church? You don't even think Jesus would carry a gun?

Well, these fundamentalist Christians are followers of Jesus. Surely they wouldn't want to openly carry a gun around if they thought Jesus wouldn't openly carry a gun around.

But you might argue that Jesus talked about "Love" and "Turning the Other Cheek." But if you say that Jesus is about Love then perhaps you are not a real Christian.

Jesus is really about freedom! The freedom to openly worship God with a gun in your hand.
I know this because good Christians are celebrating openly carrying guns to church and they wouldn't do what their Lord wouldn't want them to do.

Many non-Christians or false Christians have this view of Jesus being about Love and Compassion. That Jesus, rather than striking against his enemies, gave up his life when confronted with evil. But this heresy of Love goes against fundamentalist Christianity.

You see, fundamentalist Christians must believe that Jesus only gave the commandment of Love to himself.

They must think that Jesus understood that people were sinners and never could follow the Law of Love. So when he said "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another."(John 13:34) Jesus was just speaking to himself. He was the only one capable of real Love. That is why he kept saying those things about Love, to remind himself how to act.

Fundamentalist Christians know that Jesus is all about Freedom, God, and Guns. He wants them to feel free to carry hand guns so that they have the option of shooting each other. He wants them to openly carry guns in bars, in church, in airports, or any place that his followers openly want to carry them.

Fundamentalist Christians know that Jesus also wants his followers to suffer for freedom. He wants them to go without health insurance, live in poverty, work with no labor protections, and to support the rich with trillion dollar bail outs. Moreover, Jesus wants his followers to die for freedom by invading other countries and bombing them into freedom.

According to true Bible believing Americans Jesus just wants us all of us to be free, no matter how our actions effect other people.

So forget about that "Love" and "Turning the Other Cheek" heresy. Pack a pistol and take it to church in honor of Jesus, God, and Freedom. That is the way Jesus wants it.
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