The American economy is being assessed as "sluggish"' by some partisan writers on the left but reports are reaching the national desk at the World's Laziest Journalist's headquarters that indicate that the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory is operating this summer at full capacity with three shifts working seven days a week. In the middle of the summer of 2011, here are some of the most preposterous examples of what is being peddled to the gullible.
In the era of pat-downs and scans at the airports, is it really that easy for a comedian with a plate of shaving cream to get onto the floor of Parliament?
Was the pie incident planned in advance by Murdoch's spin doctors to generate sympathy and divert attention away from the testimony? Did his wife's defense move come so fast because it had been rehearsed? What previous body guard experience has she had? Are we supposed to believe that it was a reflex reaction on the part of a hausfrau?
Have the Employees of Rupert Murdoch been exposed to some germs from the Bush Administration and will they soon be experiencing the manifestations of an epidemic of "witness amnesia?" What? You can't recall what "witness amnesia" is? Well, then, there's no use elaborating on this new conspiracy theory. We'll let the matter drop.
Many of the new attempts at producing news worthy examples of conspiracy theories are a variation on the possibility that the nice kindly old gentleman (think of him as the Australian Geppetto?) in charge would have instigated some instances of extortion and political blackmail. (Didn't Donald Rumsfeld often cite an old Al Capone quote: "A kind word and a gun, will get you a lot further than the kind word alone."?)
Various refurbished classic old theories are being souped up (a la the hot rodders and pre-war dry lake racing scene) and being offered as "new and improved." Conspiracy theorists contend that a second look is required now to explain some past sudden shifts in American politics.
Does the fact that a cousin of George W. Bush, who worked for Fox News in 2000 and changed the election night projection, in the middle of the night, for a Florida win for Gore to a win for Bush and thus flipped the outcome, indicate that there is need for a closer look?
Does the fact that a fellow called "Knute" was having an extra marital affair at the same time he was condemning Bill Clinton saying that the President should be impeached because of some funny business with an intern mean that "Knute" could have been coerced into backing some rule-bending which granted crucial exemptions to Murdoch?