Will the Righteous Right survive its inane scrum deciding
which defective personality carries forth its backward-bounding banner?
True, the GOP message this season especially blends the vacuous and vicious,
but that's hardly stopped a resurgent national party, awash in money and media,
from securing better hawkers.
Is the rightwing base so dumb not to realize that skewering its own frontrunners helps the vulnerable president they're dying to depose? And what poll-struck bottom-dwellers, from Romney to Trump to Bachmann to Perry to Cain. Why, if there were a bold, imaginative opposition party, I bet it could leverage such idiots spouting, well, idiocy. Dream on.
What's clearly settled is the Obama re-election strategy -- play down the unpopular reign of disappointments while spending a king's ransom to vilify the last opponent standing, preferably a Texas Tea Party goon. Thus, Obama's strongest foe, Romney, gets scissored this weekend by the Obama team (as a ruthless, unprincipled flip-flopper) and by his own cohorts (as a ruthless, unprincipled cultist). Ironies abound, especially for this president, but let that bide.
To sum up, non-Christian Romney may be shunned by good-hearted, torture-loving fundees whose non-cult thinking reads storms and floods as God's wrath. All the while, an incredible number of born-agains accept the ultimate cultist conflagration, the Rapture -- entirely a 19th C. concoction, unmentioned anywhere in the literal Bible. Let's not ignore the Lone Star prophet "brutalized" for his faith, as Mrs. Perry explains her husband's debate trials, and his own burning bush (just like Moses, tribal-cult figure).
And as Rush Limbaugh piles on, dissing Mitt as "no conservative" and Perry as unprepared, who's left but that phony "populist," Herman Cain, a long shot winner? Before storms strike down the blatantly wicked right -- punished by the withhold of a great leader, let's scour the underbrush -- anyone but the deranged Bachmann, the prevaricator Gingrich, or the medieval moralist Santorum. I have a modest, if belated proposal. But is it ever too late for a nationally-known, war-loving war hero, re-confirmed as fringe favorite, and yes, one who knows the presidential campaign ropes? Right, you guessed the GOP messiah, the David against the incumbent -- Senator John ("I'm not getting younger") McCain.
Whoops, survived that fall, let alone the guffaw, shock, or disgust? Yet imagine that dramatic last minute GOP Convention script: white-haired cowboy hero enters on his white horse, destined for the White House. Look, if Romney or Perry already in the polls test our wounded Mighty Mouse, favored by only 4 in 10 voters, would not a McCain rerun be a stronger trial?
Yes, that McCain -- but only if kept far from attractive, belligerently-ignorant starlets for V.P. Sorry, Michele, blame the Palin. Romney works, lacking the attack-dog growl, or maybe a reconditioned, feisty Perry if he passes candidate-in-training drills. Playacting politico Herman Cain could fit -- a sop to minorities, but this time without giving the black guy real power. Consider the rhythmic, incantatory magic of a "McCain-Cain" ticket -- or their motto: "War Hero and Cain, too, Fearless on Muslims, terrorists, whistleblowers and illegals." Look, re-nominating McCain is no less crazed than veteran pundit Earl Hutchinson's jaw-dropping, serious daydream, "The Unthinkable: a Cain Versus Obama Match-Up."
McCain Outside the Box