So in the spirit of comedy -- which is, after all, what we are witnessing in Washington these days -- imagine The Titanic hitting an iceberg in 2011, followed by a string of experts all trying to spin the story their own way. Here's what they might say:
The White House Press Secretary: The iceberg was placed in the Atlantic ocean by Osama Bin Laden.
The chemist: That's not an iceberg. It's merely solid-state di-hydrogen oxide.
The Congressman: Quick, let's pass a new law that says ships shall not sink.
President Obama: The Titanic isn't sinking. It's merely engaged in "aquatic action."
Former President Bush: Icebergs are weapons of mass destruction planted in the ocean by terrorists. We must avenge the iceberg terrorists!
The Pentagon: We will equalize the hole in one side of the ship by blowing a matching hole in the other side.
The TSA inspector: You're not allowed onto a lifeboat until we check your anus for explosives.
The Cancer Doctor: We can't fix the hole in the ship, but through the miracle of chemotherapy, we can make you suffer so much that you won't care.
The teenage girl: Can I still text on my iPhone under water?
Congressman Weiner: Yes you can, and by the way, here's a very special "going away" message for you to remember me by.