Send a Tweet
Most Popular Choices
Share on Facebook 1 Share on Twitter Share on LinkedIn Share on Reddit Tell A Friend Printer Friendly Page Save As Favorite View Favorites
OpEdNews Op Eds

If the Titanic sank today, here's how the President, the media and Wall Street would spin it (satire)

By       Message Mike Adams       (Page 1 of 2 pages)     Permalink    (# of views)   2 comments

Related Topic(s): ; ; ; , Add Tags
Add to My Group(s)

Funny 4   Supported 3   Must Read 2  
View Ratings | Rate It

opednews.com Headlined to H4 6/20/11

Author 65079
- Advertisement -
From Natural News



What would all the world's experts and authorities say today if the Titanic were sinking but nobody was willing to admit it? The U.S. economy, after all, is sinking and taking on an unprecedented volume of water (i.e. debt), yet virtually no one is willing to admit the obvious fact that this ship is sinking. And much like with the Titanic, most "experts" continue to claim the U.S. economy is unsinkable, despite the obvious evidence that we might want to start heading for the life rafts.

So in the spirit of comedy -- which is, after all, what we are witnessing in Washington these days -- imagine The Titanic hitting an iceberg in 2011, followed by a string of experts all trying to spin the story their own way. Here's what they might say:

- Advertisement -
The White House Press Secretary: The iceberg was placed in the Atlantic ocean by Osama Bin Laden.

The chemist: That's not an iceberg. It's merely solid-state di-hydrogen oxide.

Al Gore: That iceberg wouldn't have even been there if the polar caps weren't melting.

- Advertisement -
The Congressman: Quick, let's pass a new law that says ships shall not sink.

President Obama: The Titanic isn't sinking. It's merely engaged in "aquatic action."

Former President Bush: Icebergs are weapons of mass destruction planted in the ocean by terrorists. We must avenge the iceberg terrorists!

The Pentagon: We will equalize the hole in one side of the ship by blowing a matching hole in the other side.

The TSA inspector: You're not allowed onto a lifeboat until we check your anus for explosives.

The Cancer Doctor: We can't fix the hole in the ship, but through the miracle of chemotherapy, we can make you suffer so much that you won't care.

- Advertisement -
The Wall Street investment banker: Don't worry, the Fed will bail out all the water we're taking on. The Titanic is too big to fail.

The teenage girl: Can I still text on my iPhone under water?

Congressman Weiner: Yes you can, and by the way, here's a very special "going away" message for you to remember me by.

Next Page  1  |  2

 

- Advertisement -

Funny 4   Supported 3   Must Read 2  
View Ratings | Rate It

opednews.com

Mike Adams is a natural health author and award-winning journalist with a strong interest in personal health, the environment and the power of nature to help us all heal. He has authored and published thousands of articles, interviews, consumers (more...)
 

Mike Adams Social Media Pages: Facebook page url on login Profile not filled in       Twitter page url on login Profile not filled in       Linkedin page url on login Profile not filled in       Instagram page url on login Profile not filled in

Go To Commenting
The views expressed herein are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.
Writers Guidelines
Contact AuthorContact Author Contact EditorContact Editor Author PageView Authors' Articles
Support OpEdNews

OpEdNews depends upon can't survive without your help.

If you value this article and the work of OpEdNews, please either Donate or Purchase a premium membership.

STAY IN THE KNOW
If you've enjoyed this, sign up for our daily or weekly newsletter to get lots of great progressive content.
Daily Weekly     OpEdNews Newsletter
Name
Email
   (Opens new browser window)
 

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

R.I.P. Bill of Rights 1789 - 2011

Forensic evidence emerges that European e.coli superbug was bio-engineered to produce human fatalities

14-year-old teen GMO activist schools ignorant TV host on human rights, food labeling

Burzynski documentary reveals true agenda of FDA and cancer industry to destroy cancer cures that really work

Emergency preparedness checklist for perfect storm Hurricane Sandy -- Here's what you need to get NOW

Shock findings in new GMO study: Rats fed lifetime of GM corn grow horrifying tumors, 70% of females die early