Send a Tweet
Most Popular Choices
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on LinkedIn Share on Reddit Tell A Friend Printer Friendly Page Save As Favorite View Favorites
OpEdNews Op Eds

I'm Joseph Stalin and I'm Feeling Neglected

By       Message John Blumenthal       (Page 1 of 3 pages)     Permalink    (# of views)   8 comments

Related Topic(s): ; ; ; ; ; ; , Add Tags
Add to My Group(s)

Funny 2   Well Said 1  
View Ratings | Rate It Headlined to H3 12/13/09

Author 42212
- Advertisement -

Remember me? Joe Stalin? If you recall, I was maybe the most brutal dictator ever. So why are you Americans so obsessed with Hitler? What's so great about Hitler? I was a lot worse than Hitler, but nobody even mentions my name anymore. What am I, chopped liver?

- Advertisement -

How many times do I have to hear Rush Limbaugh comparing everybody to Hitler? Or watch these Fox News nut cases ranting on about him? (Granted, our TV reception isn't that good in Hell and we don't get HDTV.) And how many times do I have to see Hitler's lousy excuse for a mustache painted on Obama posters? What's wrong with my mustache? I have a better mustache than Adolf. I have better hair too. Thicker and not as greasy.

- Advertisement -

But it's not about his mustache or his hair. Sure, Hitler killed a lot of people, but I killed more. A lot more. Millions more. I may even hold the record. I was a big time louse. I was major league scum. Hitler was an amateur compared to me. Also, you might remember that I was the guy who started the goddamn Cold War, which lasted about 50 years, a lot longer than Hitler's pathetic little war. My successors and I scared the heck out of you Americans for a long time. I should get a lot more credit for that.

Hell, Hitler wasn't even a real socialist. I was (sort of.) I was a Communist, for God's sake. I invented all this. (Well, Karl Marx actually did.) But how can you Americans all be so stupid? Hitler was a right-winger. I was a left-winger. So why aren't you moronic wing nuts putting my face on your posters? Don't you dumb Americans know anything about history?

- Advertisement -

Next Page  1  |  2  |  3


- Advertisement -

Funny 2   Well Said 1  
View Ratings | Rate It

John Blumenthal has been a professional comedy writer for 25 years. A former associate editor and columnist at Playboy Magazine (following a short stint at Esquire), he's written 8 books and 2 produced movies. His films include "Short Time," (major (more...)

John Blumenthal Social Media Pages: Facebook page url on login Profile not filled in       Twitter page url on login Profile not filled in       Linkedin page url on login Profile not filled in       Instagram page url on login Profile not filled in

Go To Commenting
The views expressed herein are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.
Writers Guidelines
Related Topic(s): ; ; ; ; ; ; , Add Tags
Contact AuthorContact Author Contact EditorContact Editor Author PageView Authors' Articles
Support OpEdNews

OpEdNews depends upon can't survive without your help.

If you value this article and the work of OpEdNews, please either Donate or Purchase a premium membership.

If you've enjoyed this, sign up for our daily or weekly newsletter to get lots of great progressive content.
Daily Weekly     OpEdNews Newsletter
   (Opens new browser window)

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

Stark Naked at the Airport

Will Prince Charles Ever Be King?

My Exclusive Interview With J.D. Salinger

I'm in Love with Michele Bachmann

Why Scrooge Was Right About Christmas

Why I Hate Camping: A Glossary