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General News    H3'ed 3/26/22

Humor: Back on the Commuter Train? Prepare for This!

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With gas prices climbing and Covid shutdowns over, many are strap hanging again on the Chicago Transit Authority's (CTA) commuter trains.

The CTA can get you to a Cubs or Sox game in under an hour and to Midway and O'Hare airport for $2.25 while others take price-ballooning rideshare services.

Sure it gets you to the Fourth of July fireworks on the lakefront and the Mag Mile Lights Festival if they come back this year.

During a snowstorm when people who have cars can't find them (or when the overserved shouldn't find them) it is a Godsend. But you still have to deal with these universal transit rules.

1) When a train is approaching, people who have never used the fare card machine decide it's time to learn.

2) When a train is approaching, people with ten-year-old nickel collections decide it's time to "cash in."

3) When a train is approaching and a machine is free, it will reject your dollar bill for no apparent reason. After the train leaves (without you) it will accept your dollar bill for no apparent reason.

4) When a train is approaching and the machines work, a throng of riders will exit the two-way turnstiles and you'll still miss your train.

5) If the "Train Arriving Now" sign is not blinking and you take your time, the train is arriving now--it's just that the sign is broken. Sorry.

6) If you catch the train as it pulls out--congratulating yourself--it will sit on the tracks for 11 minutes while others pass. If it's cold out, it will leave the doors open.

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Martha Rosenberg is an award-winning investigative public health reporter who covers the food, drug and gun industries. Her first book, Born With A Junk Food Deficiency: How Flaks, Quacks and Hacks Pimp The Public Health, is distributed by Random (more...)

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