Most Popular Choices
Share on Facebook 33 Printer Friendly Page More Sharing
Exclusive to OpEd News:
General News    H4'ed 1/25/21

Humor: New Year's Resolutions for American Men

By       (Page 1 of 2 pages)   2 comments
Message Martha Rosenberg
Become a Fan
  (84 fans)


(Image by Martha Rosenberg)   Details   DMCA

1) We will stop giving the women in our lives tools on their birthday like drill bits and seed tillers. We admit it is a sneaky way of getting the tools we want and that women don't give us linens or a new coffee maker on our birthday.

2) We will stop giving slippers the size of snowshoes to the women in our lives on their birthday. We acknowledge that women's feet are much smaller than ours but NOT so they can get closer to the kitchen sink and wash dishes.

3) We will stop trying to vacuum pennies when we pitch in with cleaning and just bend over and pick them up. We realize the vacuum is "not a toy" and if we actually succeeded, the vacuum will rattle, smoke and have a heart attack

4) We will stop putting empty ice trays in the freezer even though we think it is a good example of "returning something to where you got it" like we learned as children. We admit it makes us look lazy and we do know where ice comes from.

5) We will stop telling a woman she looks beautiful by candlelight or in total darkness and realize this is actually an insult.

6) We will stop ignoring the gas gauge when it's on empty in pursuit of cheaper gas and for the pure adrenaline rush of trying to beat "empty." We admit this little game can result in hiking with a gas can--and has.

7) We will cease to be anal about our car's cleanliness from the mats to the windows to the air freshener while pretending we know nothing about cleaning when it comes to the house.

8) We will stop pretending that the dog's drinking water remaining from yesterday means we don't have to fill the bowl today. ("He has water.") We acknowledge that the germ theory has been proved and yesterday's water might be a specimen.

Next Page  1  |  2

(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).

Rate It | View Ratings

Martha Rosenberg Social Media Pages: Facebook page url on login Profile not filled in       Twitter page url on login Profile not filled in       Linkedin page url on login Profile not filled in       Instagram page url on login Profile not filled in

Martha Rosenberg is an award-winning investigative public health reporter who covers the food, drug and gun industries. Her first book, Born With A Junk Food Deficiency: How Flaks, Quacks and Hacks Pimp The Public Health, is distributed by Random (more...)
 

Go To Commenting
The views expressed herein are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.
Writers Guidelines

 
Contact AuthorContact Author Contact EditorContact Editor Author PageView Authors' Articles
Support OpEdNews

OpEdNews depends upon can't survive without your help.

If you value this article and the work of OpEdNews, please either Donate or Purchase a premium membership.

STAY IN THE KNOW
If you've enjoyed this, sign up for our daily or weekly newsletter to get lots of great progressive content.
Daily Weekly     OpEd News Newsletter
Name
Email
   (Opens new browser window)
 

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

Grassley Investigates Lilly/WebMD link Reported by Washington Post

The Drug Store in Your Tap Water

It's the Cymbalta Stupid

Are You Sure You're Not Psychotic Asks Shameless Drug Company?

Another Poorly Regulated "Derivative"--the Antidepressant Pristiq

MRSA and More. Antibiotics Linked to Obesity and Allergies, Too

To View Comments or Join the Conversation:

Tell A Friend