This shot is from the World's Laziest Journalist's photo morgue.
The Hollywood recipe of sex, high speed car chases, and shootouts, used to attract large numbers of young men to movie theaters during the summer months occasionally boils over into real life and when it does it precipitates a cavalcade of cliche's for both the pro and anti gun pundits who automatically proceed to the "round up the usual suspects" mode of operation. Attempting to write a remarkably eloquent example of argumentation for either point of view brings to mind a quote made famous by Inspector (Dirty) Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood): "a man's got to know his limitations."
American culture offers such an abundance of pop culture
items for relevant allusions that it provides a book manuscript level of
possible material and since this will be a quick read column meant to incite
readers to do their own analysis rather than offer an "off the rack" set of
tailored opinions, we will try to present something that is both unique and
One of the world's laziest journalist's recurring complaints is that regimented thinking has become too standardized in mainstream media and we noted with some satisfaction that our subjective reaction to the initial onslaught of news was to wonder how many of the pundits who tackle the subject will use the idea that the shooter obviously needed to get laid as the basis for a column suggesting that the fellow was a poster boy for the idea that prostitution should be legalized.
One of the victims, Jessica Ghawi, was a remarkable rookie
sports reporter whose brother asked for a boycott of the perp's name and so we
will not use the name of the young man who methodically attempted to execute an
entire movie audience. She was,
according to several news reports, a vivacious and talented person who embodied
what the French call joie de vivre (joy of living). We have been intending to write a column
about that French philosophical concept and realize the poignant fact that the
victim epitomized the philosophy that every day is a precious gift and should
be appreciated accordingly. We will
hoist a glass of our favorite non-alcoholic drink in her memory this weekend.
The kid who is now in custody and awaiting trial, it seems to this columnist, needed some love and sex to suppress his antisocial impulses. We wondered what would have happened if fate had supplied the shooter with a dynamic girlfriend instead of a compulsion.
Many of the news reports about the shooter's first
appearance in court noted that the fellow looked dazed and confused. None of the accounts specifically used the
phrase "drug addled moron," but that seemed to be the consensus opinion of the
journalists. It made us wonder: since the fellow had been in custody since
early Friday morning, did the District Attorney prescribe heavy sedation for
the defendant to prevent the culprit from going berserk Monday as a way of
providing a foundation for an insanity plea defense?
During the week, Ted Nugent speculated about how different things might have been if some other members of the movie audience had been strapped (i.e. carrying firearms). When Australian fugitive Ned Kelly was apprehended, he was wearing home made armor and he sustained more than two dozen wounds before he was subdued. Apparently Nugent's speculation included a magical bullet with a mythological ability to be unencumbered by the restrictions of the laws of physics and would have sent the mass murderer to an early grave.
Could Chuck Norris have delivered such a hypothetical
example of perfect marksmanship in the midst of the mass confusion?
Obviously Ted Nugent deserves a place on Mitt Romney's short list of potential running mates.
Premeditated anonymity for the shooter, in accordance with
the wishes of Ms. Ghowi's brother, caused us to wonder just how many Americans
can supply the name of the assassin (Charles Guiteau) who shot President James
A. Garfield or the fellow (Leon Czolgosz) who shot President William McKinley. It would take a trivia champ to name the guy
(Gavrilo Princip) who shot Archduke Ferdinand and precipitated the mass carnage
That, in turn, reminded us that there was a second Congressional investigation to augment the Warren Commission Report into the shooting of President Kennedy and the lesser known study concluded that there was more than one person involved in the assassination in Dallas. Some conspiracy theory scholars suggest that the fellow who shot President Lincoln may have had some help from unknown people who were accessories to the crime.
Just about everything the world's laziest journalist knows
about snipers was learned while reading the novels of movie critic Stephen
Hunter. That, in turn, inspired us to
read the biography of Carlos Hathcock, a U. S. Marine Corp sniper who killed a
Viet Cong general with a shot from 2,000 yards away.
His name sparked us to remember that a poker hand of aces and eights has a special significance for people who are fascinated by the history of the American West.
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