The Arms of Oops
by John Kendall Hawkins
Arl you done with that dumpring?
China asks on the sidelines.
Yes, all yours, Amerika says.
I was tarking to the Tariban, they crack down on us.
It's all happening now.
Catch-22, if you can.
Proof of Life, a liqueur served up to the unfragged NCOs.
Asshats handed back. Assimilatos handed over.
Afghan pilots, beards flowing free,
skedaddled out of Seattle, hit the road to Uzi-stan.
Trophy women, all taste of the sugar, had to be culled
like fresh cut flowers at a florist for the dead.
Attar bowed to Mohammed again.
Wake up and smell the coffin.
In the background, during the frenzied commissary grab,
Frankie Laine sang, "You Gave Me A Mounting,"
as the Folgers disappeared, as did the Burka Beer.
Domino's Pizza in the Green Zone, Kabul, has been non-stop,
feeding fleeing armies and incoming, too.
Half hour or less they wheel up in humvees with your order.
Tip 'em. Who needs the aggravation of their catcalls?
They call it New York style slices, but they might be snarking,
and who ever heard of IEDs mixed in with the mushroom clouds?
Some dumbshit left a smart TV behind,
a local warlord says in broken English. Broken and in despair.
Alexa now a burka-ed hausfrau saying please.
They're rolling up the carpets,
the circus is leaving town,
the beauty parlor winked,
and for all I know the passports have been browned
quoth a Dylanesque busker not from Duluth,
the Air Force left behind.
Yeti the biggest weasel of a problem
is Corn Pop Joe cutting off aid to Afghanistan
to squeeze and freeze the Taliban.
but Old Joe left behind billions of dollars in weapons
and in fact had some of the latest in transit
even as the sh*t was hitting the propeller
(paid for by the American taxpayer natch,
a fact the military deleted from the web, says Forbes.)
And now the poor starving locals
will have to go back to selling Afghans
knitted together by long-fingered, long-suffering little girls
and some of the world's sweetest opium.
Afghanistan could replace Tasmania
as the leading supplier of epidemic-grade oxycontin.
But mostly selling all those Blackhawks,
drones, humvees, tanks, rifles, walnut crackers,
jets, A-29s, cracker jacks, porn stashes,
and sacks of powdered eggs (at least, they call them eggs).
And now all those weapons will have to be sold
to China (shi -shi, shhhh) and Russia (who want their Klashies back)
and anyone else in need -- it's a free market world.
America said so.
(Article changed on Aug 26, 2021 at 12:29 AM EDT)