Big Vinny from New York- "You could hire people to rob banks and then the bankers would have to hire more bank guards. Then you could do the same thing at the airports."
Joey Scars from Kansas City- "Suppose we make loans to help Americans make it through the tough times, and we charge them, I dunno, 300 percent interest?"
Big Vinny from New York-"Now wait a minute there, Joe. I own bank stocks and Visa stock and you ain't gonna do nothing to hurt my rackets or the undertaker is gonna have new customers."
I suppose after a couple of meetings they would throw up their hands and turn in their expense vouchers. Being career criminals they would have more profitable activities to pursue, besides sitting on a committee for chump change, and would turn in their final report.
The committee members would like to take this opportunity to thank you for this chance to serve your administration. Too often those of us in the waste disposal business or the vending machine industry are treated as second-class citizens because of the nature of our operations.
After several meetings, however, we have come to the sad conclusion that America's underworld has little to offer in solving America's unemployment crisis. This is due in part to corporate America having usurped all of our traditional rackets. What loan shark can compete today with a TitleMax or a Payday Lender?
Why hijack a shipment of liquor when you can use a hostile takeover and obtain the whole company? Why rob a bank when you can own one and run it out of business and then buy another? This is a time of growth and change in the underworld; it is a time when America's crime families are trying to go legit but are being passed by corporate America going the other way.
We'd rather not sign our names on the grounds that we might incriminate ourselves.
So the President had another idea, hire the best and the brightest from corporate America's CEOs to see if they could help to double America's exports and create new jobs. The president has founded an Export Council and staffed it with his dream team of corporate America's best job creators.
"'That practice was unfair and hurt American workers,' the President said. 'This ruling will keep the playing field level and boost American jobs.'"
Then Obama named Boeing CEO Jim McNerney to be chairman of the President's Export Council. Boeing is America's number two defense contractor so they know how to move product. At Boeing they call their strategy "Offloading." Rather than build an airplane they buy components from vendors overseas and put them together. At Boeing, 65 to 70 percent of an aircraft is built with parts outsourced from vendors. Last year Boeing cited delays in its Dreamliner project as testing "the wisdom of heavy reliance on outsourced labor."