Mr. Romney stated: "Listening to President Obama's lucid and perceptive analysis of America's foreign policy during his first term, I realized that he has indeed restored world confidence in American leadership, whereas I don't even know the difference between Russia and the former Soviet Union. I can only say Amen to the President's comments last night."
Since it is too late for the Republicans to select a different candidate and get that person's name on fifty State ballots, Mr. Romney agreed to remain on the ballot, as long as the nation understands his position and votes for Barack Obama. He commented further: "Anyone who is thinking of voting for me should reconsider. That would be like voting for more horses and bayonets rather than for a modern nuclear Navy and other strategic armed forces. Given how inarticulate I was at last night's debate, with no real foreign affairs proposals or effective policy positions, I'm obviously not up to this job."
Asked about his ever-changing domestic policy approaches and positions, Romney responded: "Hey, what can you expect from a guy who hasn't ever had to actually take much responsibility, instead delegating most tasks to others? My 'binders of women' could actually do a better job than I did in Massachusetts. That State slipped in education, job creation, and many other measures of progress while I was governor. Why should anyone think I would do any better as President? No way."
In response to a question about whether he had any regrets over his decision to endorse his opponent, Mr. Romney concluded: "Well, Anne is really unhappy with me, and my sons are livid -- they were all hoping for cabinet posts in a Romney administration. But Anne has her horses and homes, and my sons can go off as missionaries to the heathens. Maybe they can convert some of those Occupy Movement protesters. Hey, you never know."