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Do you love? (Part 2 of 3)

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Falling in love

Probably the first association that people have to the word love is falling in love. Falling in love is the most famous expression of love today and perhaps the most described and sung term of all time. People often mystify falling in love with magical romantic feelings that rise under no control. I would say that the main characteristic of people who fall in love is fear and hope. Juvenile uncertainty and optimism towards life bring a very high possibility of falling in love.

Young people usually think that for falling in love they need to find an appropriate person and magically romantic love will happen. First, I would like to emphasize that there is nothing magic in the act of falling in love. It is entirely commercial behaviour that gives an illusion of magical performance. Every person knows how much their attractiveness is worth in the alienated market of values because everyday life teaches us that. An appropriate person for love, in reality, is a product of in-depth preparation, calculation and random events. There is almost nothing wrong in it because a person should choose a partner who suits him more. Rational behaviour in the choosing of partners is more than welcome. But the people who quickly fall in love are pretty narcissistic, and that means not rational. Narcissistic people are not objective so that they are quite foolish and do not recognize correct values in the selection of partners.

When an appropriate person for falling in love appears in the sight of a narcissistic person, high energy of happiness is released that attracts, and if it finds an appropriate response from the other side, a miracle of "love" appears which indulges, and all the brakes release and all the doubts about the acceptability of the partner disappear. The person then feels "the chemistry," and the whole world becomes beautiful. This miracle situation described in countless songs is just a sweet illusion that occurs as the result of the liberation of considerable uncertainty. There is almost no love here. The person who is confident in himself can hardly fall in love, but he is capable of loving.

If we name falling in love as love, it would be a very undeveloped form of love. Falling in love is a product of subjective experience. The success of falling in love is often measured by the quantity of attracted attention that the people who fell in love realize in society. Narcissistic people do not try to get to know the beloved person deeper because such people often do not even know what that means. Falling in love is very superficial, and a person who falls in love often quickly satiates with the loved one. If the emotions towards the loved person end, it was never the love, because love lasts. Love is taught practically the whole life. Getting to know love is, in fact, active learning in practice that brings pleasure. The person who loves does not stop getting to know his or her partner. By getting to know more of their partner, a person learns how to improve the life of his or her partner. That fills him with the joy of love.

People who fall in love often quickly see that their subjective knowledge about their loved ones, as a rule, has almost nothing in common with the character of the loved ones. Disappointment that comes results in the termination of the connection quickly. If a loving pair fell in love with falling in love, if the picture which they make together is precarious to them, then the agony of their love often occurs. The person falling in love with a considerable degree of narcissism often tries to change the loved person and make him or her closer to their needs which is practically impossible to achieve. Suffering then starts and leads to the development of a very passionate relationship that is opposite to love. Such couples do not leave each other because their perverted pleasure of love keeps them together. Such connections are often followed by hate, and it proves that the relationship was never love. It was just narcissism. Love does not end, but if it does happen, however, it brings sadness only.

Narcissism is selfish, egocentric, possessive, greedy, jealous, and love is not any of that. Jealousy emerges from injured narcissism and love is not jealous. Falling in love can grow to love if partners are not very narcissistic and if they have enough common interest. However, this rarely happens also because the culture of love in today's society is very undeveloped so that people do not know how to love. Expecting happiness in a marriage that has emerged from a consequence of falling in love is the same as expecting luck in the lottery. We live in such times where people come to rely more on luck than on their brains. That's why there are so many divorces. There would be even more divorces if there were no fear of change or fear of endangering the narcissistic image of marital harmony that couples present to society. Married couples who hardly regard their partners during the day, who are not happy by the encounter, couples whose ambitions at work are more important than their life partner, certainly do not love each other and this is a great pity for both.

Nothing destroys marriages like violated narcissism among partners. If the marriage ends in dispute in court, then indeed it was not love, it was narcissism. If people leave their spouses because they fell in love with another person, then the short-term illusion has most likely forced them to make a great stupidity, because it causes long-term damage to themselves and the people around them. Namely, the new relationship could hardly be better than the previous one because if a person knows how to love, he or she would not have to seek a new partner and would not have divorced the previous one. Divorce mostly points to an alienated and spiritually poor life of such people.

Many people cannot wait to fall in love. If they knew better, they would avoid the state of falling in love. Falling in love is sweet, but it damages the person who falls in love because the happiness that uncontrollably rises makes it difficult for him or her to objectively see the situation in which he or she is. Objective people hardly fall in love but are more prone to stay in love. Love is stable and grows over time. Love is the consequence of man's natural productive orientation. Today, people are generally alienated from this orientation and therefore do not love. The system that I've proposed will build natural relationships in a society based on equal human rights. It will develop objectivity that will teach people how to love, and they will love.

Love of children

Love develops from childhood. Love is learned the same way children learn how to walk or talk. Parents who love, give love to children and teach children through their behaviour what love is. If parents do not know what love is, then they cannot teach kids to love. Today's society is alienated from its nature and therefore, does not know love enough. Lack of love is most often manifested by inadequate care of parents for their children.

In the capitalist system, most people must work all day to cover living needs, so they do not have time to provide children with love to the extent they feel. Capitalism imposes alienated needs, which reduces the free time of people and diminishes the ability of parents to raise their children. Capitalism deliberately disintegrates families to get more dependent workers and consumers. This is a political problem of the capitalist society and must be solved by political measures. Schools take over the upbringing of children. The school program is alienated from the nature of children because it is determined by authorities so that children often do not love it. The teachers take over the role of parents. Normally, it's much harder for teachers to find love for children than parents can because they usually work with children primarily to earn money for a living. Children grow up without enough love.

Furthermore, narcissistic parents are often occupied with their ambitions so that they do not have enough time for their children. It is a great mistake to love their jobs more than their children. Do you spend more time on your career and earning money than on your children? You are then pretty much narcissistic and do not have the developed ability to love. Narcissistic people often hide their ambitions behind the sacrifice for the benefit of their families. But this is nonsense because it is about the ridiculous overestimation of the value of ambition and underestimation of children. A successful career and money cannot bring as much benefit as the neglect of the development of children brings disadvantages to all. Children who do not receive enough care and love become emotional invalids who do not know how to love and become long-term problems for themselves, for their parents and society. It is not impossible that the children learn how to love later in their lives, but in an alienated society in which we live today, it very rarely happens.

Instead of love, parents today exercise far more pressure on children to obey their will in the name of "higher interests." Parents who have not developed the love in them cannot objectively see the needs of their children. Parents, by their pressuring, actually alienate children from their nature, and of course, reduce their chance to get to know love. When children oppose the will of adults, they can easily be right because they are closer to their nature, and therefore, the resistance of young people should be respected.

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Aleksandar Sarovic is an architect and philosopher who has worked on how to create a good society for 37 years. According to him, equal human rights will unconditionally create a bright future of humankind. His findings are presented in the book "Humanism - A Philosophic-Ethical-Political-Economic Study of the Development of the Society." His work is presented (more...)
 

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