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General News    H4'ed 7/20/19

Do you love? (Part 1 of 3)

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As much as I know, only Erich Fromm wrote a scientific book about love. I have studied his work entirely and may say that his book "The Art of Love" presents an excellent psychological analysis of love, which contributed significantly to its understanding. Fromm has influenced my work greatly. In this essay, I have not quoted him because his psychological study of love cannot successfully build love among people. He has based the creation of love on the consciousness of people, and that was never an efficient path. I have defined a socio-political method based on equal human rights, which will make people love unconditionally. Love will create a healthy society and a wonderful world beyond wildest dreams today. This article presents how to do it.

Love

Love is the most significant achievement a person can realize in their lives. Love is a state of mind based on the equality of people, mutual care, and eagerly giving help. Love is the condition of the soul that enriches the person and therefore, the world. A person who loves carries a feeling of inner peace, stability, lightness and joy of living, and that is how they can be identified. In natural society, love is a spontaneous act which develops on its own. In a society alienated from its nature such as the one we live in, we do not know how to love each other enough. You dear readers most likely think that you can love and you are right because there is not one person who is not able to love at least a little bit. But if you think that your love is high enough, then please read this article from start to finish, and you might be assured of the contrary.

Narcissism

What people today mostly call love is actually narcissism. Narcissistic people adore their images, their character, their deeds and especially their great happiness that brings them success in society. They enjoy their abilities, their thoughts, their beauty, their characteristics, their family, their nation, and everything that is connected to them. They value themselves more than other people, and that is what develops the narcissistic aspect of their character. Narcissism presents a person falling in self-love. In the idealization of their personalities, narcissistic people often consider themselves very modest. For this reason, it is challenging for a man to recognize the narcissistic character in himself.

Does narcissism contain love in itself? I would say that it does not, but the problem is, in fact, semantic. If one can say, "I love chocolate," where the term "love" actually means "enjoy," then one can stretch the meaning of love to narcissism but in an inferior form. Narcissism and love are separate categories as their names speak. All people possess both characteristics; however, the man who loves more is less narcissistic and vice versa. In the following pages, I will call the people who have more developed narcissistic characteristics as the narcissistic people even though they can love, but their abilities to love are less developed.

If a narcissistic man exercises his wishes successfully, then he feels great love for the whole world, but this love is an illusion. When a narcissistic man is unable to achieve his intentions, then he will deflate like a balloon into depression and will hate the whole world. A narcissistic man is quite unstable, and that is how he can be recognized. A natural man loves continuously. If the world does not match the needs of the natural man, he does not hate; he is just saddened. Love creates benefits to the man who loves and to the world around him, while narcissism can hardly achieve that. Narcissism will rather create evil to the narcissistic man and to the world around him.

Narcissistic people are very ambitious. If you actively want to become a boss or any authority; if your primary goal in life is to earn money, win a contest, or something similar, you are a pretty narcissistic person. You strongly prefer to compete, and even more so, to win! Your ego and narcissus are hungry. You have great opportunities to win, but it gives you less chance to love. You need love! Then you will not have a great need to compete. People who love base their mutual relations less on competitions and more on agreements. These examples only tell you how much you can love, but it cannot at all help you to love more. If you give up from ambitions or competitions that do not mean at all that you will begin to love more. The problem of knowing how to love does not depend on the wishes of the people; it is located deep in the psyche of a person, which is built throughout their entire life.

A narcissistic man is very subjective and tends to give his successes greater importance than they deserve. The narcissistic culture has overly raised very superficial forms of value such as power, wealth, fame, beauty, strength, speed, etc. In today's society, these have become the most valuable goals. These values are objectively not so high, but the alienated society has put them on the pedestal. They are alienated, and as such cannot bring lasting benefits to individuals nor to society as a whole. On the contrary, those values usually carry all the opposite. These values destroy the long-term possibility of creating benefits in society.

If a narcissistic person is very successful in his society like famous singers, actors or politicians are, then the narcissus in him can shine for a long time. Such successes may form an illusion of overcoming man's powerlessness in nature, and therefore, the narcissistic happiness may be pretty intense, and as such, it can easily deceive a man into thinking that he is on the right track. Narcissistic happiness is not good because it is primarily based on illusions. Taking into account that the narcissistic man overestimates himself and underestimates everything that surrounds him, he often comes in contradiction with the objective reality. Life shows a narcissistic man sooner or later that his capabilities are not as significant as he wants, that he is not quite as perfect as he would like to be, that his youth and beauty have passed. New, smarter, stronger, more skilled people always appear, and they threaten the superior vision of the narcissistic man, which brings severe disappointment to him. Any happiness a man exercises undeservedly by the help of illusions will come back as payment in the form of pain. Narcissistic people often try to find escapes from the extreme tension by drinking alcohol and taking drugs and thus they can be recognized.

Narcissistic happiness alienates a man from objective reality. Such a man loses respect towards other people and reduces the chance to reach the natural advantages in the relationships with other people so that he minimizes the opportunity to love. Only love can elevate men from these kinds of problems, but narcissistic people do not know enough love to be able to balance themselves.

Narcissistic people strive to be the strongest, the smartest, the most beautiful, the best in any sense, and hardly tolerate the competition that may threaten their vision. Therefore, narcissistic men clash with each other easily. It can be said that virtually all conflicts in society are based on the narcissistic character of a man. By their subjective vision, narcissistic people can identify threats to their alienated needs as threats to their real existence. It induces the fight between narcissistic people for the survival of their illusions. The more narcissistic people are, the more brutal their conflicts are. All the cruelty of this world comes from endangered narcissism. An injured narcissism causes a very destructive orientation of the narcissistic man. Such a person can fall into depression, which can be developed to the needs of self-destruction or create hatred that can be extended to the needs of the destruction of the world.

Narcissism is primarily developed by the privileged statuses of people in society because those people have realized the feeling of superior power in society almost effortlessly. I wrote more about this in the article Privileges are Evil. One can generalize that the more privileged people are, the more narcissistic they are. Spoiled children, excellent students, people in positions are generally more privileged, and that most likely means, more narcissistic. But the differences are often only in nuances because every person can build an illusion of power or privileges in a world of their thoughts. Almost all people possess some narcissistic traits of character because our alienated culture teaches us to be narcissistic. The less narcissistic person is a healthier person for himself and society as a whole. In this article, I will try to demonstrate that the more narcissistic man loves less.

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Aleksandar Sarovic is an architect and philosopher who has worked on how to create a good society for 37 years. According to him, equal human rights will unconditionally create a bright future of humankind. His findings are presented in the book "Humanism - A Philosophic-Ethical-Political-Economic Study of the Development of the Society." His work is presented (more...)
 

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