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David's Flying Shoes v. Goliath's Bloody Ruse

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David's Flying Shoes v. Goliath's Bloody Ruse

Edip Yuksel

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"As Goliath, the emperor of the world's only super power, moved closer to thank his men for their joint effort to destroy, murder, torture, rape, and plunder, David ran quickly toward the news conference to meet him. Reaching to his feet and taking out a shoe, he hurled it and struck Goliath on his charisma. Then he hurled the second shoe. The shoes broke the window-dressing, exposed the facade. The world watched Goliath transforming to a cobbler, uttering the words: "the shoe size was ten." (Modern adaptation of 1 Samuel 17:48-49 by Edip Yuksel)

Shoe (n): A durable covering for the human foot, made of leather or similar material with a rigid sole and heel, usually extending no higher than the ankle, occasionally thrown to liars, murderers, torturers, crusaders and naked emperors.

After skillfully ducking and dodging the two shoes hurled at his face at his final press conference in Baghdad, our dodger and ducker-in-chief calmly reported the size of the famous shoes. "It was a size 10 shoe" reported Bush from Baghdad. As the shoes missed their physical target, their target too missed the message of the Iraqi people. His report about the size of the shoe was another example of attempting to dodge the reality with distraction. But he could do worse; he could put the shoes on and thank the reporter for the Christmas gift! Like all self-righteous naked emperors, he and his entourage have been aloof to the pain of millions of people suffering directly or indirectly from the USA-Inc's policies of occupations, covert operations and supporting puppet dictators around the world. A pair of an unknown reporter's shoes became a symbolic repudiation of the super bully's hypocrisy and bloodshed.

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I am surprised that the media did not check the veracity of the 43rd President's report about the shoes hurled at him by the Iraqi reporter. Was the shoe size really 10? I doubt it. First, in that part of the world it should be something like 40 plus. Furthermore, there is a big chance that the male reporter's shoe size was bigger, since Iraqis are not Chinese. The world knows by now that Bush, an end-time evangelist and as a recovering alcoholic, has multiple problems with truth and facts. Let's be fair; he did utter a few truthful statements such as, "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." Some of his previous reports and assessments will be remembered as examples of delusional, deceptive or amusing statements:

Saddam has a weapon of mass destruction.

Mission Accomplished!

Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job!

A signed peace treaty by the time I leave office.

And now we have, "It does not bother me. If you want the facts, it was a size 10 shoe." Was he serious about this report? Well, he reported the shoe size with a straight face and presidential tone; without the usual polished smirk on his face. Of course, this is as trivial as Britney Spears' hair, but the American media has mastered the art of feeding the American public with the government propaganda mixed with a good dose of triviality and stupid commercials. Then why didn't they investigate into the real size of the shoes? It would be both trivial and political; they could even insert many commercials from shoe companies. They would kill three birds with one shoe!

Joke aside, the mainstream media did not report half of the facts. No surprise! The day when the presidentially identified flying shoe (IFS) flew towards the face of our dodger-in-chief, I watched the news of the two major networks, CBS and ABC. Both reported the words of the Iraqi reporter when he hurled the first shoe: "This is a gift from the Iraqis; this is the farewell kiss, you dog!" But, somehow they forgot to report his words when he pitched the second one: "This is for the widows and orphans and all those killed in Iraq!" What could be the reason?

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The President was perhaps thankful for getting only a pair of shoes from the Iraqi reporter, al-Zaidi, as a reward for his accomplished mission in Iraq: on one hand, millions of dead, injured, displaced, widowed, orphaned; and on the other hand, billions of dollars for the oil and war industry. And a similarly corrupt and incompetent puppet government. We should never misunderestimate Bush; he successfully ducked,  dodged, reported, maintained his composure and depicted the reporter's action as "one way to get attention."

A couple of flying shoes turned the lame-duck president literally into the duck-in-chief of the world. The shoe hurling was obviously a symbolic act of protest. Yet, another little-noticed symbolic coincidence was prophetic: While Bush was able to dodge both shoes, the second one hit the flag of the United States, which has been desecrated by the jingoistic policies of his government. The Iraqi war started with a few Iraqis and the CIA agents insulting the statue of the fallen dictator with their shoes. Now it is closing a chapter with the Iraqi shoes insulting the head of the fallen US emperor. Both are now two complementary scenes in history. Those who laugh by shoes cry by shoes. While we are at it, let us remember another two weird coincidences. The ghost of the USA-Inc's former puppet dictator's last name sneaked into the USA as the middle name of the 44th president, and the first name of America's most wanted CIA-trained terrorist mutated twenty percent and became the first name of the same president. As if in these there is a divine lesson for us. Or is someone playing April Fool's joke with Americans?

The duck-in-chief, together with his gang of jingoists, fooled the gullible among us with patriotism and religion, then squandered our national interests and transferred our tax money to arms manufacturers and big corporations. His vice-duck-hunter-in-chief, on the other hand let the Halliburton and Bechtel make a killing through war scams. In the end of these eight years of destruction and plunder we now have the worst economic crisis in American history since the great depression. I think Dr. Seuss would not mind if I switch the places of two words and let the flying shoes talk: "You have feet in your head. You have brains in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose."

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EDIP YUKSEL, J.D. is a progressive American-Turkish-Kurdish author/philosopher/lawyer/activist (too many hyphens and slashes, I know). His recent English books "Quran: a Reformist Translation", "Manifesto for Islamic Reform", and "NINETEEN: God's (more...)

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