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Current Comedy, 11/17/08: Little Georgie Jr. Loses His Very Own Iraq War

By       Message mikel weisser       (Page 1 of 1 pages)     Permalink    (# of views)   5 comments

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Yep, you read that title right. So stop the presses, whatever other news you were thinking about ignoring, ignore this one first. I was going to comment on Georgia Representative Paul Broun setting a new North American land speed record, and coming in a close second to the world record time, for calling a newly minted world leader a "Hitler." Last week, displaying his lightning fast GOP-style smearing techniques, Rep. Broun labeled Barack Obama "a Hitler" less than ten days after his election. The only faster recorded time was that of the Berlin press corps who on Jan. 30, 1933 called Hitler a "Hitler" on the pretty much the same day of his appointment as Chancellor. It will stay a hard record to break. I also wanted to expound on Fox News finally noticing that Obama did indeed run as a centrist and re-demonize their de-demonizers who are currently trying to demonize the demonizers of that damnable demon, Bush. I apologize for not bashing those apologists. That would be decidedly devilish of me, but this is better than that whole roundelay. Here's the news: George Bush Jr. just lost his very own Iraq War. That's right, on Monday Nov. 17, 2008, the US and Iraq signed a finalizing peace treaty with a, gets this, a "timetable" creating a schedule for US troops to leave the country, evacuating according to terms dictated not by Bush, but by Iraq. Iraqi government spokesperson Ali al-Dabbagh framed the US departure like this: the "best possible, available option" is for US "forces [to] withdraw on June 30, 2009 from cities and districts to bases agreed upon by Iraq and the US administration. This date is not liable to change according to the situation on ground. The date is definite and final." The US would further be required to vacate the country entirely, including all the personnel for all those big beautiful bases we just built/bought, all 150,000 Americans and our essential presence in the country we just spent $600 billion rebuilding in our own image, by New Year's Eve 2011. Let me repeat that last line from the Iraqi spokesman for you: "This date is not liable to change according to the situation on ground. The date is definite and final."Ladies and Gentlemen, that is definitely what we call "˜getting told,' and who gets told in a war? The losers. If you win, you stay however long you want, like McCain once said. We still have troops in Japan and Germany after 60 years and everybody knows we kicked their butts. In comparison we don't have soldiers in Vietnam, do we? Well, no live ones. Look, if the Iraqis can tell us when and how to leave, we are not in control of their country anymore. Of course many who have swum through this quagmire these last six years, would note that we have never really been in control and in many ways America lost the war in Iraq right around late '03, when we'd won the war, but decided not to leave. Saddam was finally captured, wrapped up like a gift wrapped X-mas turkey. One of our two clearly stated goals had just been actually accomplished: topple Hussein. But the other stated goal wasn't going quite as well. Besides ruining the occupation on the ground with L. Paul Bremmer's de-Baath-ification program and dismantling the Iraqi Army so they could re-assemble as the Iraqi Insurgence; we'd let five thousand years of history be looted so we could guard the oil ministry records of wells that were on fire. But most importantly, by that point it had become all too obvious America had failed in our other "noble" cause: the WMDs. We never found any WMDs because they hadn't been there in the first place. Like many of us knew all along. Some of us who knew better protested the genocide. While others, who also knew all along, conducted it. Right then, right there mid-December '03 a moral world leader would have said, "We were wrong about the whole WMD thing, but hey, we got Saddam. Sorry for breaking your country. We're outta here."Instead we had Bush. And that moment, the US lost the war. The rest of the world knew a long time ago what we finally had to be told: we don't belong in Iraq and we need to leave. Congrats, George Jr. You have outdone your dad when it comes to ruining a war for us.The man who once made the whole world fixate on his trussed up codpiece as he boasted before a banner proclaiming "Mission Accomplished," just got told "get out" of the country he once so willfully occupied. Defeat never tasted so sweet. The irony is almost too delicious, except for all the dead Iraqis. And their blood on our hands. --mikel weisser writes from the left coast of AZ


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Recently a Democratic candidate for Arizona's new Congressional District 4, Mikel Weisser has been challenging the right and raising a ruckus since the 1980s. Born the son of a nightclub singer, Mikel Weisser watched anti-war hippies getting beaten (more...)

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