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OpEdNews Op Eds    H3'ed 11/23/19

Barr Says Epstein Died By A Series Of Coincidences, Ending All Conspiracy Theories Forever

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AG William Barr
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In an interview with Associated Press, US Attorney General William Barr put all conspiracy theories to rest once and for all by assuring the world that alleged sex trafficker and alleged billionaire Jeffrey Epstein's death was simply the result of a very, very, very long series of unfortunate coincidences.

"I can understand people who immediately, whose minds went to sort of the worst-case scenario because it was a perfect storm of screw-ups," Barr told AP on Thursday.

This perfect storm of unlucky oopsies include Epstein being taken off suicide watch not long after a previous suicide attempt and shortly before his successful suicide, suggestions that the first attempt may have actually been an assault via attempted strangulation inflicted by someone else, two security guards simultaneously falling asleep on the job when they were supposed to be checking on Epstein, one of those guards not even being an actual security guard, security footage of two cameras outside Epstein's cell being unusable due to a mysterious technical glitch, at least eight Bureau of Prisons officials knowing Epstein wasn't meant to be left alone in his cell and leaving him alone in his cell anyway, Epstein's cellmate being transferred out of their shared space the day before Epstein's death, Epstein signing a will two days before his death, unexplained injuries on Epstein's wrists and shoulder reported by his family after the autopsy, and a forensic expert who examined Epstein's body claiming that his injuries were more consistent with homicide than suicide.

In a new interview, Attorney General William Barr said Jeffrey Epstein's suicide resulted from "a perfect storm of screw-ups" and that evidence ultimately shows he hanged himself https://t.co/lhCxD16q4Q

The New York Times (@nytimes) November 22, 2019

"The attorney general also sought to dampen conspiracy theories by people who have questioned whether Epstein really took his own life, saying the evidence proves Epstein killed himself," AP reports. "He added that he personally reviewed security footage that confirmed that no one entered the area where Epstein was housed on the night he died."

Well, if reporting that he's reviewed footage that we were previously told didn't exist isn't enough to dampen those kooky conspiracy theories, I don't know what is.

So there you have it. The US government says that an intelligence asset with damning information on many powerful individuals did in fact kill himself due to an admittedly bizarre and wildly unlikely series of strange coincidences. I for one have no more questions. Checkmate, conspiracy theorists.

"Mr. Epstein's death in August at a federal detention center in Manhattan set off a rash of unfounded conspiracy theories on social media that were picked up and repeated by high-profile figures, including Mayor Bill de Blasio and former Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani. No matter their ideology, the refrain of the theories was the same: Something did not add up," says The New York Times in its report of Barr's statements.

Couldn't have said it better myself. It's a completely unfounded conspiracy theory to believe that someone with ties to powerful institutions and individuals might be murdered in a way that was made to look like a suicide. We don't live in a world where opaque organizations do evil things in secret, we live in a world where the government is always our friend and the TV would never lie to us. I'm glad Barr's comments have at long last struck a fatal blow to anyone who would doubt the beneficent hand of our beloved institutions.

Barr said evidence proves Epstein killed himself.

He added that he personally reviewed security footage that confirmed that no one entered the area where Epstein was housed on the night he died. https://t.co/CTica7rhhm

Jonathan Lemire (@JonLemire) November 22, 2019

It's hard to imagine what more the US government and its allied political/media class could possibly do to quell conspiracy theories that now have Hollywood celebrities clamoring for government internet censorship. I guess if they really, really wanted to dampen conspiracy theories, there are a few more extremely drastic steps that could be taken. Steps like not lying all the time. And maybe not hiding immense amounts of information about what the most powerful institutions in the world are doing behind thick walls of government opacity. And maybe cease promoting conspiracies themselves, as with Russiagate. And maybe stop secretly doing depraved things. And maybe stop engaging in conspiracies.

Pretty sure Barr's assurances will be enough to do the trick, though.

 

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Caitlin Johnstone is a brave journalist, political junkie, relentless feminist, champion of the 99 percent. And a powerful counter-propaganda tactician. Rogue journalist, poet, illustrator, utopia prepper, and proudly 100 percent reader-funded through Patreon (more...)
 

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8 people are discussing this page, with 9 comments  Post Comment


Dennis Kaiser

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I believe that. LOL

Submitted on Saturday, Nov 23, 2019 at 3:06:23 PM

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Zef Rose

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This essay is truly a thing of beauty.

Submitted on Saturday, Nov 23, 2019 at 3:34:42 PM

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911TRUTH

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Yeah, conald chump's Consigliere would never lie.

Submitted on Saturday, Nov 23, 2019 at 4:16:25 PM

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Carol Jackson

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Which of his consiglieres do you mean.

Submitted on Saturday, Nov 23, 2019 at 6:41:17 PM

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911TRUTH

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The AG, Barr. He even protected Reagan during Iran-Contra.

Submitted on Sunday, Nov 24, 2019 at 5:08:02 PM

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Once again we are told to trust our betters rather than our intuition and common sense no matter how many times that advice has turned out to be self serving lies by the power brokers.

This time, it's not going to work. A very important crack in the door of their dark world of control by any means has been opened. Don't allow them to close it. Keep the spotlight on this story until it brings all the monsters down.

Submitted on Saturday, Nov 23, 2019 at 4:21:36 PM

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I strongly suspect "they" have something on Barr. Looks like a few expendable low-lifes will take the blame for Jeffrey's death and Russiagate as well and everyone else with a lot of skeletons in their closet can breathe a sigh of relief. Not sure how that will sit with the American public. But 5G will be safely in place before they can revolt.

Submitted on Saturday, Nov 23, 2019 at 11:14:19 PM

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And then there's the coincidence that Epstein's number one accomplice happens to be the daughter of a former high-level member of Mossad (high-level enough to get a state funeral), she has apparently disappeared, and there's not a word of anyone trying to find her, and not a peep even about an indictment.

Conspiracy nuts would say that photographing the rich and powerful while they're having sex with minors would be a priceless enterprise for a nation that depends on the unwavering support of US politicians, British royalty, etc. I'm too sophisticated to entertain such silliness.

Submitted on Sunday, Nov 24, 2019 at 9:08:05 AM

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Nobody believes Epstein killed himself. Great writing.


Submitted on Tuesday, Nov 26, 2019 at 7:22:30 PM

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