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By       Message Johnny Boring       (Page 1 of 1 pages)     Permalink    (# of views)   1 comment

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BEST..WEEK...EVER (please forward)

Sidenote: Have you ever seen the newsclips from Wall Street when "A Financial Giant Falls?" Its all these pampered, monkey-suited, weaselly-looking guys walking out of huge glass doors carrying boxes after clearing out their desks. Have you ever seen anything in your whole life that elicited less sympathy? Not exactly like watching farmers getting run off their land, is it? I think I speak for the working people of America when I say I would like to see ALL these a**holes tarred and feathered and OUTLAW careers that consist of moving piles of the NATION'S HARD-EARNED CASH from column A to Column B and driving around in Ferraris while vacationing with hot girlfriends and mistresses at Parrot Cay while the actual workers of America eat Ramen noodles or just go to bed hungry...

Well, since I never get any feedback from any from you bastards or bastardresses, I just slog along. Anyone? Is this thing on?

Yes, I used to make a good living at writing, but I found selling it a real pain in the ass, so it's just a hobby, thanks Katie and Kristen for the suggestions, tho....I dunno if any of you have any interest in politics but if you are fans of black comedy, the McCain campaign and financial armageddon have certainly been a travelling box of chuckles...but first:

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Listen to FATBOY squeeeeal. The Obama campaign gave Rush Limbaugh's saggy man-t*tty a brillllliiant tweak this week, broadcasting an ad in Spanish that played tapes of The Bloated One saying, "Mexicans are useless," and they all need "to shut up." I'm sure they did it just to see his purty mouth spluttering as they gleeefully dealt him this really mean and thoroughly vicious low-blow. Limbaugh whining over getting cheap-shotted is like Courtney Love calling you a whore. Priceless...he oinked, "aw, c'mon, that ain't FAIR...I said that like 15 years ago.." I read a message board on this topic where there was much hilarious piling on the Corpulent One, who looks and sounds really funny when crying like a b*tch.

Caribou Barbie, Moose-a-lini or (I made this one up) Governor Sarah Danquayle-in is just spraying nonsense, scandals, idiocy, lies and Pure Comedy to all fields. The best was when they tarted up Porkbarrel Barbie on "The Hannity and The Gimp Show" ( FOXNEWS point-counterpoint with bully douchebag Sean Hannity and anemic uberwimp, tackling dummy "liberal" Alan Colmes*, who is just the Washington Generals to Hannity's Harlem Globetrotters) She took the opportunity to come out of hiding to answer such hard-hitting questions like: "How in the heck did you get to be so awesome?"
She repeated all her stupid goddam lies and talking points like a parakeet, except she was just ooozing with hairspray, soul-glow, stripper glitter and some Forever21 lipgloss in a set lit like a table-dance room.. Super weird. I guess those dumb-ass slobbering conservative Dittoheads are now completely voting for THIS IDIOT WOMAN on the basis of her being a piece of ass, though this reporter has heard from reliable insiders that I would not hit that. This chick couldn't run a kids birthday party without involving it in graft, scandal and a million in porkbarrel spending. Oh yeah, and HER preacher, spiritual guide and mentor once (swear I'm serious)ran A WITCH out of town. Hey, man, thats uncool, we the people don't want any more trouble from disgruntled witches. I think I can speak for us all on that topic.. First dude refused to answer his subpoena; how much do we all have to chip in to get Dog The Bounty Hunter to pepper-spray the sh*t out of him and drag him to court? Not only should this chick not be president, she and her sledneck husband should be in those medieval stocks with people throwing rotten fruit at them.

McCain can't figure out what he is saying, what he thinks and begs Obama to "stop lecturing and ..." (fight fair?) What did I JUST SAY last week about Obama being like a college professor and McCain being like a crazy old bum!? McCain is clearly unravelling like a mofo. Its tough, with the Exxon Sith Lords at the RNC filling his spinning head with so much crazy nonsense, combined with his astonishing lack of popularity..I mean ya can't get three stray dogs to show up to hear McMatlock say drillbabydrill without Porkbarrel Barbie repeating her retarded RNC speech word for lying word.. He tried an unscripted appearance at a GM plant...oops, it turned into an impromptu Obama rally...he went through a whole box of Depends that day. He wants Obama to go and debate him in one of his Townhall Meetins." McCain can load up the audience with local Klansmen so he can get some tune-ups for The Royal Ass-Whoppings he is going to receive at the debates. Barack: "Nah, I'm good." Careful what you wish for, if he loses the Klan, its about 95% of his base. How the F#$k did this guy get to be US Senator? Hm, Admiral dad, Admiral grandpappy, heiress wife, lives in a state that nobody gives a f... about, yeah, thats about right. Drill-lest-ye-be-drilled!

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Oh yeah, the economic collapse of the US financial and monetary system. McCain blames it on Obama(!)
It was the single most interesting moment of the Bush presidency. I mean, this guy lost a guerilla war to Saddam, re-instituted torture (wait, we NEVER did that before), raped the constitution, looted the US treasury and wrecked New Orleans but always looked like just got out of a Calgon Bath. It was the first time that he looked scared and panicked since 9/11. It must have been the flash of fire and brimstone in the Oval Office when Satan appeared to personally thank him for destroying the USA. He Really Made Himself Immortal in a big way this week. Very few men in the history of mankind ( i.e.: none)have been more personally responsible for such a debacle. Bush inherited a juggernaut, bulletproof, idiotproof 12 TRILLION dollar economy and a government that had 250 BILLION dollar annual budget surplus. IN JUST 8 years HE BANKRUPTED THE UNITED STATES... allow me to repeat this : BUSH HAS BANKRUPTED THE UNITED STATES. I mean we are filing for chapter 11. Literally. Statue of Liberty just got repo-ed and is being sent to Dubai. HE IS PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HIRING THE CROOKS AND THIEVES THAT DID THIS TO US. The buck stops there. Jesus Christ, those damn villains in the James Bond movies only threaten to destroy the world and then only blackmail for a couple hundred billion. The good old days. I mean, thats considered chump change by today's newly reinvented financial black hole, which scientists have been forced to make up new terms, flowcharts and numbers to explain.

They did it by simply repealing all the laws and regulations that were instituted after the first great depression so they could STEAL giant, ridiculous mountains of cash and run away with them. They're not even denying it; the Republicans are just claiming uh, "some other Republicans, uh, did that" Who are these rogue Repbulicans?! (they are hiding in plain sight , running grumpy grampy's campaign(!)(!)(!)(?)(?) McCain's solution!? He actually doesn't have one, except for winning untold trillions of revenue and rainbow's end treasure from the victory in the Eye-raq war (and future cash-cow wars with Iran and Russia) and the untold jillions from  him and Sarah "shakin and bakin things up on CAAAPitol hill!" McCain wants to use the same policies of deregulation and tax-exemption for the wealthy(!!!!!!!!!!!)"Double down on Bush-onomics, that's right Charlie, deal the eff'in cards, goddamit, gimme another 3 trillion-dollar marker, I got a system. Just deal, we gotta big military parked right outside, a**hole... China, waddaya mean my money's no good?! These Ferragmo loafers are worth more than your Great Wall, deal the eff'in cards!"

If we are OK by waterboarding suspected Al-Quaeda members, what are we comfortable doing the men and women of the Republican Party that have actually destroyed the United States? I would like to see the Bush Treason, Country-ruining and WarCrime trials in a nice, comfortable Blacksite Secret Syrian Prison. And no aid to red states. Ever.

BUSH BAILOUT PLAN: "Suck on it, America."


Yo McCain!
-"Have you ever had your sh*t- PUSHED -IN (training day)"
"John McCain said he's going to take on the Old Boys Network...The Old Boys Network?! in the McCain campaign that's called a staff meeting."
-Barack (I'm a lover not a fighter, but wait I am a fighter too, so don't push it) Obama.

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Patrick Davis


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Rodeo clown, not a sissy birthday party clown.

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