How did Bucks convince America that Happy Hour should be wired not wasted and that they have a Macchiato deficiency that requires five dollars and 500 calories a day to treat? Are the sleeping pills Ambien and Lunesta lucky beneficiaries or was some kind of quid pro quo arranged?
Power Apron Jobs
In the 90's "power apron" jobs like Starbucks and Kinko's were hot because they offered health coverage and tuition reimbursement. Unlike bar jobs, you didn't have to sweep up cigarette butts and worse. But six months after a Bucks tour, most baristas say "espresso drunks" are worse than their tavern counterparts because they don't tip, get mellow, leave change on the counter or know any Irishman jokes. Worse, if baristas are short-tempered with them, they will remember the next day.
Who would have thought in the days of Mr. Coffee makers and taking the thermos to work, that one day people would drink an entire pint of coffee at one sitting? Without suffering an arrhythmia? From "tall" which means small, to "grande" which is an actual pint (see brandy, motor oil, I.V.s), no one can accuse Starbucks of under-serving patrons. Meanwhile, patrons ask for "room" in the cup but not in their stomach.
Driving While Cranked
Is it a coincidence that road rage debuted at the same time as 300 mg caffeine drinks? Maybe instead of Hang Up and Drive, bumper stickers should say Detox and Drive. Not only do today's Cherokees, Navigators and Pathfinders have a place for you to set your Venti No Foam No Whip Double Mocha Skim Frappuccino (while you're talking on your cell) -- Starbucks have a place for the Cherokees, Navigators and Pathfinders! Just follow the fumes you see as they idle at drive-through Starbucks, under a toxic plume.
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