Note: Parts of this column may have been fabricated . . . or fictionalized . . . or not. Otherwise you will have to believe that the Government and America's Free Press collaborate together to keep you from learning the truth.
As December begins and the film reviewers cope with an onslaught of films about murder, incest, alcoholism, adultery, drug addiction, incurable diseases, and crippling sports injuries, folks skimming through the various Life and Arts sections in American newspapers looking for some holiday entertainment, have a subtle clue for the fact that awards season has begun.
Competition and news coverage will be extensive for the scramble for the various awards given to movie makers, but there are other less newsworthy awards that the media will ignore. Lost in the madding crowd of eager award committees will be an obscure band of specialists trying to select this year's best new conspiracy theories.
Fans of the veteran stalwart conspiracy theories, such as Building 7, the magic bullet, and any advanced intelligence about the attack on Pearl Harbor, will have to wait until the Conspiracy Theory Hall of Fame holds it's annual Induction Awards dinner (you have heard about that, haven't you?) before they can start reviving their darling candidate.
To be eligible for the right to be awarded the 2011 Conspiracy Theory of the Year trophy, a theory must have been hatched during that particular year.
Has some kind of diabolical, coordinated effort kept you blissfully unaware of any new conspiracy theories?
Top contender for this year's title, according to an unimpeachable source in the R&D Department on the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory campus (located at an encampment in the Desolation Wilderness, perhaps?), is the wild speculation that the Occupy Movement may be a "false flag" operation funded by a wealthy pair of Conservative billionaires known only as "the Bobbsy Twins."
According to the unsubstantiated hypothesis, the Occupy Movement was fiendishly engineered by a well known Republican dirty tricks specialist (code named "the Architect"?) so that it would initially resemble the Tea Bag movement, but would ultimately fail and bring dishonor and humiliation to the Liberal cause. Under the "one for all -- all for one" banner, the tricksters would inundate the General Assembly meetings with the street people, who would have been institutionalized in a country with a more Liberal agenda for the needy, and thereby cause the attempts to determine the general consensus on policy questions to seize up like a car engine running without oil.