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OpEdNews Op Eds    H2'ed 10/11/16

Alex Jones: Donald Trump's Brain

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Lawd of mercy! Tell me it isn't so! I mean, this 2016 presidential election is like no other! What with the small-handed, small-peckered and small-brained one lurching erratically between borderline insanity and full-blown lunacy, and a gallantly struggling gal trying to be the grown up in the room, we're seeing it all. Many of you out there are wondering just how we got to this sorry bonkers state. So your Bro did some digging and after some pretty alarming discoveries that surprised me "bigly" I eventually found a fella called Alex Jones.

Though you might not have heard about him - he's Donald Trump's [lame] brain.

So when Dear Donald went p*ssy riot [NOT the Russian group] on us recently and stalked Hillary Clinton during the last debate with his pacing, scowling, frowning and sniffing, I did not find that odd. Turns out Ole Trumpie is being coached, er, "advised" by a MFKing stark raving loony. His name's Alex Jones. He is a senior advisor to The Donald of pussyistically speaking fame, the Twitter addict, and orange haired reality TV comic-turned-US-presidential-candidate. Jones is about five miles removed for reality that is a PERFECT FIT for Trumpie who believes that climate change is something that happened to Mars -- not earth - and that Hillary Rodham Clinton [HRC] is filled with hate and is a She Devil.

But where, pray did he get this "HRC is the Devil" thing? Ta-da! Alex Jones. He says that he's a Christian and expresses high regard for the Bible, often citing its more prophetic books. Bit of a disagreement with Ole Trumpie who spoke about "2 Corinthians"and not "Second Corinthians" thus elevating is Biblical ignorance to near primate levels. But Jones, his "brain," says: "I just want to try to be a pure and virtuous person. I want to try to transcend my flesh and be the true leader that we're all meant to be.... I feel the spirit of the Creator and it embraces me with chills."

"Transcend my flesh?" What in Sam Hill IS this guy saying? He gets cold when he feels the "spirit of the Creator?" Maybe it the "Ghost of Christmas Past?" But like ALL very crazy people, and like his human receptacle "The p*ssy-Crazed Republican Party's 2016 Presidential Nominee, whose name you know well, he then turns on a dime and says the following: "One of the biggest problems in the United States is organized religion. Not just Christians, but Hindus, Muslims, other people. The leaders of their denominations have been funded openly by governments and corporations to preach doctrines of submission to government, submission to tyranny."

So government is bad. Ordinary Christians, Muslims, Hindus and "others" are bad because they are "religious." This is Jones's ideology of "badness" in society and the founding beliefs of the Tremendous One of Pussyland.Small wonder that he wants to ban Muslims and believes that ALL government is bad. Jones also hates Pope Francis and considers him to be a socialist advocate of a global government, and a global religion but ignoring traditional Catholic issues such as abortion. Of course, we well remember the Trumpie Tantrum against the Pope and the kind of infantile pouting exhibited by a 70-year old man with a "Yoouge" dildo complex.

But back to Alex " The Wingnut" Jones.

On this radio show in Texas, where else? Here's Jonesie verbatim on politics and in particular HRC and Barack Obama.

ALEX JONES (HOST): I'm never a lesser of two evils person, but with Hillary, there's not even the same universe. She is an abject, psychopathic, demon from Hell that as soon as she gets into power is going to try to destroy the planet.

Trumpie in the second debate on Bernie and HRC: "Bernie Sanders had signed on with "the devil."

JONES: I'm sure of that, and people around her say she's so dark now, and so evil, and so possessed that they are having nightmares, they're freaking out. Folks let me just tell you something, and if the media wants to go with this, that's fine. There are dozens of videos and photos of Obama having flies land on him, indoors, at all times of year, and he'll be next to a hundred people and no one has flies on them. Hillary, reportedly, I mean, I was told by people around her that they think she's demon-possessed, okay? I'm just going to go ahead and say it, okay?

No, no, don't laugh! I'm not making this sh*t up! I know its funny as hell but geeeesh! The scary thing is that he's one of Trumpie's senior advisors! But wait! There is more! Rasputin in the White House anyone?

JONES: "They said that they're scared. That's why when I see her when kids are by her, I actually get scared myself, with a child -- with that big rubber face and that -- I mean this woman is dangerous, ladies and gentleman. I'm telling you, she is a demon. This is Biblical. She's going to launch a nuclear war. The Russians are scared of her."

Ah, yes. The Zany Prophet and Feces Mouthed Instigator of Nonsense have finally lost ALL of his marbles. Anyone knows the speed-dial number for Belleview Hospital? In coming! New, really, really bat-sh*t, steer crazy guy on the way! Candidate for the straight jacket and perhaps "shock therapy?"

JONES: [on a roll now, playing with his little ding-dong under the table]: "I'm told her and Obama, just stink, stink, stink, stink. You can't wash that evil off, man. Told there's a rotten smell around Hillary. I'm not kidding, people say, they say -- folks, I've been told this by high up folks. They say listen, Obama and Hillary both smell like sulfur. I never said this because the media will go crazy with it, but I've talked to people that are in protective details, they're scared of her. And they say listen, she's a frickin' demon and she stinks and so does Obama. I go, like what? Sulfur. They smell like Hell.

Sulfur smells like Hell? Hillary and Obama went to Hell and picked up the sulfur stink? And who are all "the people" who "tell" Looney Jones these "things?" So being that only Jones and the "Humungous, Tremendous, Bigly, Yoouge and Unproud One" can come up with these crackpot theories [Like Obama is a "secret Muslim" who was born in Kenya] you just gotta believe them! For Jones and Trumpie Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are real demons from Hell the evidence of which are that flies love Barack Obama and Hillary because they smell like really rotten eggy farts. What that you say? Where's the proof? Trust us we just know, right?

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MICHAEL DERK ROBERTS Small Business Consultant, Editor, and Social Media & Communications Expert, New York Over the past 20 years I've been a top SMALL BUSINESS CONSULTANT and POLITICAL CAMPAIGN STRATEGIST in Brooklyn, New York, running (more...)

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